I'm not sure exactly what it is.
I'm not sure why I'm not exactly happy today.
I know I didn't feel like coming to work and apparently my actions showed it, because my dad asked why I wasn't as chipper.
I told the truth. I felt like I was just getting home from work and it's like I gotta go back as soon as I get home. At least, it feels so soon.
Now that I'm at work, I'm fine. But I'm numbed. I don't feel happy. Of course, I can easily fake it. Put me in front of people and I'll smile and laugh as if I wasn't crying only moments ago at my work station.
And truth be told, I was happy when I walked in. I had a good interaction with this one guy I've never really talked to before. He gave me a Christian pamphlet on how to be saved. I listened to him talk when I said I also was a believer.
I felt a bit lifted for my shift. But something changed. Maybe it's the interaction with this one specific person. Its not that I don't like him. The opposite actually. He's a Christian I've started to have feelings for. But I've noticed I'm doing a lot of the effort. Not that he isn't. He's just more verbal I suppose, rather than actionable, like I am.
But our conversations seemed lacking too. Which I understand cause it's hard to have meaningful conversations at work. Maybe it's a mix of that.
And mix of a family member having little to no empathy for a neighbor who is a struggling addict. Some of the words said seemed to have punched my heart. This family member has no idea what addiction is like. And though I may not have been addicted to drugs, like the neighbor or alcohol like others, I know the feeling.
It's a struggle within yourself so unlike anything else. Unless you've experienced it, it's not fair to judge. It's not as easy as giving it up for good one day and never doing it again. I didn't have support. Only God.
Whereas my neighbor has little to no support, let alone from God. She isn't a Christian. And this lack of empathy hurt, it felt as if it were a backhand comment towards me. And the addiction they know nothing about
So unless I'm upset about one of these things or a mix of both, I'm not sure why I feel this way.
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Christian Poems
PoesíaMuch like David with his psalms, I am most at peace when praising/calling on God through writing. Poems specifically. So, here are my collections of poems I've written thus far, it will be updated with each one I write. In them, I'm either praising...
