Christian Poems

Guilt Vs. Faith

Lord, I feel guilty. Or, rather, felt guilty. I needed to escape from my work station and go to the bathroom, to fall on my knees. To get to my quiet place. I was waiting to have an excuse, to have my station moved, so I can take my time, but eventually, I heard You tell me to go. So I obeyed.

A friend got into a car accident and it left me numbed. Unable able to pray. Unable to focus. I couldn't put my heart into singing. Her mom told me she was okay, but I need constant updates or else I spiral. I know You have blessed me with my messages going through and receiving news from her mother.

But when I heard earlier, that she and her mom got into an argument and went out with friends, I should've texted she myself. The idea came to mind, but I didn't do it. I didn't. I was also waking up from a nap, so I wasn't praying fervently, with full attention. And I'm sorry.

But this time with You, I needed. The escape. The quiet. Is the bathroom at my work place a weird place to cry to You, be honest with You and hear from You? Maybe. But it works.

I was honest about my faith. I have hope that You'll heal one of the homeless men me and my friends prayed for while evangelizing. But a secret part of me is worried about being disappointed or let down. But I think I heard You say that I'll only be disappointed if I expect it to happen within the timeline I set for it. Which is true. You aren't slow as we count slowness.

But then I fought that with the thought of Jesus healing so instantly when He was on earth. Maybe it was for the people's sakes. But not all were healed as they might've wanted. Look at Lazarus. Or the man by the pool who was paralyzed since his birth. It was used to glorify You.

So I will put my faith in Your timing. And not judge Your goodness by my timeframe that I expect the miracle to take place. Thank You for this sacred reminder. For this wonderful truth.

I still worry that I don't have enough faith. But I know faith the size of a mustard seed, can accomplish much. The faith of your friends matter too. Help my faith grow, Lord. Not to remain as a mere seed.

But I thank You for everything. For calling me to this place to be with You. I love You.