Rini

you

ninis pov

its been over a month since the photos of alex and me and ricky where leaked. I'm still a little angry. i still go to slc to see ricky every other week. I am more protective, i am more alert. scared. so is ricky, he over protective. we rarely go out and when we do, we do everything to keep alexs face covered and out of view. we talked about it and until alex can talk. i don't want his every move on camera. especially with the release of my first record. this weekend, me and ricky are going to meet half way. alex is staying with my parents. me and ricky our going to meet for half the day. we have discussed somethings but others. we haven't. we always have these moments, where it feels too real. too much. 

we meet at a restaurant in Nevada. honestly i don't even think its to talk about alexs safely. although i know it will come up. its about, things we've said in the last few weeks. 

a month ago "baby do you think," he stops, "i mean, sorry old habits, nini do you think..." he says correcting himself. 

later that night, we feel asleep in the same bed. cuddled together. we get mistaken for a couplemultpul times. we pretend when were alone that we are real. but its all a fantasy. things with me and jamie are great. but i cant help but compare it to me and ricky. what we had. i feel awful for feeling this for questioning, for loving another. 

i am parked  outside the restaurant. i hear a knock on my window, i jump and see ricky. sorry he mouths. i step out of my car and hug him. "hey" he nods toward the restaurant. "lets go its cold." i laugh and we walk into the restaurant. 

"hello" the hostess says eyeing me. "for how many," "two please." i say. "ok" she seems startled for some reason. "are you nina salazar roberts." she asks. i shake my head, "no but i get that a lot." i say. "i love some of her songs though." "oh, you look so much like her." "really shes pretty so ill take it as a complement." i say smiling. I'm lying, i don't need tabloids saying nina salrobs out on a date with someone that's not her boyfriend. i did my makeup strategically against how i normally do it. hoping that i look less, me. 

We walk to to our table. "why'd  you lie," ricky asks. "because i don't need tabloids all up in my business." "mmm" he hums. we sit down at our table. "drinks," our waiter asks. "one coke one root beer," ricky answers, looking at me for confirmation. I nod. "your a cute couple," "aww thanks, our one year anniversary." i replay thinking on my feet. "oh, so you really aren't nina, sorry wanted to test you." the server says. i laugh and say "noo, I'm not nina, my names olivia. I'm sorry." "oh its alright, i feel kinda weird now. but, ya everytime i see nina and jamie together i kinda wanna kill my self, there so cute. i don't think either one of them would cheat." "i know, they are, but were cuter, right babes." i say directing it to ricky. "ya were cuter, and no offense to nina but my girlfriends prettier," he says, reaching out for my hand. i laugh, "but when i showed you the tiktok," "shh, we don't talk about that." he says. i laugh so does the server. "well can i still get a photo, you look so much like her, my little sister would love a doppleganger of nina." i nod of course. we take a photo and i hug her. "thank you" she says, "of course." 

after she leaves. i look over at ricky. he bursts into laughter. "ok olvia my love. what do you want for dinner," i sit back into my chair. "well," i pause thinking of a random name, "joshua, i think ill have the new england clam cowder or the ribs." i say looking down at the menu, a smile tugging at my lips. "why do i need a different name." he whispers. "no reason i think it'll be fun you know." i whisper back shrugging. "mm, become new people ok ok. what our back story." "um, we've been together for a year. we met when you were, umm," "building a treehouse for my little brother," "we were neighbors. i thought you where hot so i brought lemonade out to you. that was two years ago. and then we started dating." i say. 

throughout our entire dinner, we converse, pretending to be a couple. laughing. it feels too real. when i look into his eyes, i see my future. i stop laughing, he holds my eyes. i look down and say, "i need to use the bathroom," i get up quickly and ricky grabs my hand, "are you good," i nod. i get to the bathroom. i walk in and stare at myself in the mirror. i cant let  it be real. i cant let myself, fall again. for his eyes, his face, him. i stare down at the sink and wash my hands. if i scrub hard enough maybe i can scrub away the feel of his hands on mine. 

i walk out a second later. i see ricky. "hey," he says, "you where being weird. i was just checking on you." "I'm fine," i say. i plaster a smile on my face. "no your not nini, i know you." my smile slowly falls. "this is getting to real for one night." i say softly. "what were just," "it feels to real. too much. i cant...do that again. this was a bad idea." i say i start to move away. he grabs my arm. we stand there starting at each other, we serge forward and kiss in the hallway of the bathroom. we don't stop until we hear a clearing of a throat.  we break away and see a server on the way to the kitchen or bathroom i don't know what. "sorry" we say. we turn to each other. "i.." then i flee, back to the table. "ni, Olivia" 

we had already paid. i grabbed my bag and ran out the door. "nini." i hear i turn. "what... I'm sorry" he says. "this cant happen ricky. were both in relationships. we love other people." i say. "but do we." he says. "do we truly love other people. can you honestly say you love jamie more then me. cause i cant. and that, that is terrifying nini." "i cant, i cant love you. i cant hurt like that again, ricky." i say, i am turned to the side not looking at ricky. "nini" he moves toward me. i take a step back, and he pauses. "i love you. and you love me. please." he holds out a hand. "ricky," i say. "nini, i have loved you my enite life. i thought wed have a lifetime together. i cant bear to hurt gina, but i cant live without you. please nini, i love you." i reach out my hand, and he pulls me to him. we kiss and i melt melt into him. i miss his lips his hands on my waist, then my face. "lets get out of here." he says against my lips, i nod. "we brought separate cars." "oh, lets meet somewhere please." he begs. i nod. and we run to our cars.