Rini

thinking

nini pov

after we eat breakfast, we take a long, long shower. after that we leave and go to la. stopping for a brief lunch at a panera bread. 

we had separate cars, so i actually had time to think..or overthink... OMIGOD...i did that i just cheated on an amazing man. who is sweat and kind. but still...there's ricky. he is amazing sweet and kind as well. but he knows me better, better than anyone and i love him. oh my god i love him. ricky facetimes me. i smile all thoughts of jamie gone. "hi" he says. "hii" i say back. "i miss you," "Richard your in the car behind me." i say looking down at my phone. "still." he says. "i wish i could ride with you." "i know, but how can we do that. Leave one of our cars." i say, "gas is expensive ricky," "i know i know." he says. "i miss you," he says again. "i miss you too." "hey can we stop at swig.." "sure," "get off here." he comments so i do. "there do u see it," "yesss," i say driving toward the swig. "what are you going to get," he asks. "just peachy, i think, wat about you." "the rocket," he says, thoughtfully. "your favorite," "since childhood," he finishes, looking at his phone. His smile is big. i wrinkle my nose, and giggle. 

i pull into the drive through, "hi, what can i get you today," the speaker booms. "hi, can i have a just peachy." i say, "and pretzel bites and both strawberry cream cheese and white cheddar dipping sauces." i say into the intercome thingy. "ok, anything else," i shake my head even though they cant see me, then go, "oh, no," i blush a little forgetting. "ok pull up," they say. i pull forward to the next window. i hear rickys voice and look down. he's still on face time. "hi can i have a rocket please, with pretzel bites with white cheddar dipping sauce. please," he looks down at his phone, "hii," he says sweetly. "i forgot you where there."  i say, I'm sure i looked surprised. "got your stuff." "give me a sec," i pay for my stuff and take it from the window. "yes." i say pulling forward and out of the parking lot. "mmm," he says. "thank you," he says, i see in the mirror his car pulling out of the lot. "hey can i call you back," he says, his once jolly tone gone. "ya, love you." i see him smile. "i love you too," 

I know she called him. i know that something. he's going to say he loves her too. That it was just late, we needed a hotel. that he loves her, misses her. cant wait to see her in a few days. that he's practiced his lines and is off book. he's going to say those things. i let the doubts seep back in. I cant believe i did that. Im being the other women. I'm hurting one of my friends. I cant do that. i have an amazing boyfriend who loves me, who waited months to be with me. he loves me.  but my heart is telling me,ricky. the boy you've loved since you were 5. the boy who knows you. he loves you. his heart is yours, your heart is his. ricky, my ricky. but i cant. i cant be with him. I love him, but i cant...i cant i love him. i start blasting taylor swift. illicit affairs, plays on shuffle. i start crying. 

I am the other women. i hate myself for hurting her. shes such a good friend. but then again. one of the first rules of femisim don't go out with your friends ex...but then again, don't sleep with your friends boyfriend, even if he was yours first, and you have a kid together. i scream the bridge, "and you want to scream, DONT CALL ME KID, DONT CALL ME BABY, LOOK AT THIS GODFROSACEN MESS THAT YOUVE MADE ME, YOU SHOWED ME COLORS YOU KNOW I CANT SEE WITH ANYONE ELSE, DONT CALL ME KID DONT CALL ME BABY, LOOK AT THIS IDOTIC FOOL THAT YOUVE MADE ME, YOU TAUGHT ME A SECRET LANGUAGE I CANT SPEAK WITH ANYONE ELSE." my sobs intensify as i sing, "And you know damn well, For you, I would ruin myself, A million little times" the song ends, and my heart breaks into a millon peices.

 i pull off the freeway. i stop at a dennys parking lot. ironic. i sit in my car. just sit there. i hear a knock at my window and jump. i look out and see ricky. he looks conserned. my ricky... i unlock the door, and he opens it. "hey hey whats wrong," he reaches over me and unbuckles my seatbelt. the he takes my face into his hands. "baby," i melt into him. i wrap my arms around his torso. and he holds me. he holds me. and i love him. i love the way he makes me feel, so full. "lets step out. maybe get some dennys." "we just ate," i say into his stomach. "thats true," i step out of the car. i grab my stuff. "lets talk please," i say seriously. his face tightens. he nods. i stand out side of my car. "lets go to yours." "yours is right here." "lets go to yours." i say. i lock my car, and walk towards rickys. he grabs my hand, and squeeses it three times. i squeese back three times. 

i get in on the passenger side and then he gets in on his side. "why do we need to be here," i open the middle consol, and see condoms. i pull them out, "have you and gina," "no" he says. "nini why do we need to be in my car." i sigh, "so many memories in this car, i learned to drive in this car. i sat shotgun and we just drove, weve had sex i dont know how many tims in this car. its full of memories." he nods confused, "how many memories do you and gina have in this car. i know you guys have kissed in this car, and your first moment of relization happened when she kissed your cheek." "how do you know that," "she told me," i reply. "did she call you, is she who called you." i ask. "yes," "im the other women richard." "no, nini your not doing this." "you probaly reasured her that you where fine, that noting happened, im sure you said you loved her and cant wait to see her, i know youve been having problems." "NINI," "i will not be the other women ricky, i have a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend. I dont want to be an illicate afair, i dont want to be loved by you on weekends, i want you ricky, and i refuse to be a fuck, and then you turn to your girlfriend and say you love her that shes your world, because last time i checked, i was that, i was your home your rock, your world. your lieing to her, im lieing to jamie, and i cant do that i cant do that. I WONT DO THAT. i have a wonderful man at home, who loves me, who loves my kid, who was there for the birth who held my hand, who has done so much for me. i cant hurt him. i wont. " "I REFUSE TO LET YOU GO THIS TIME," he says, forcefully, "i will break up with gina, i will do anything. please nini i need you," "do you need her," i ask, i force myself to look him in the eyes, "not the way i need you." he says. i reach over and touch his face, "i love you, but i wont hurt gina, and you wont either, so lets stop, lets stop pretending this is real, lets go back to us being friends, and taking care of our kids together every other weekend. ok," "i cant do that nini, i cant sit near you and be near you, and just forget, and just let go," "you have too," i reach over and kiss him gently on the lips. "ill see you at the house ok," i say. ricky sits there stunned, and i get out of the car and start walking toward my car. I dont look back i cant. i hear his car door open. "NO, NO NINI I CANT DO THAT. I LET YOU GO ONCE I CANT DO IT AGAIN." i turn, "NINI I LOVE YOU, GOD I LOVE YOU. I AM GOING TO LOVE YOU FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. YOU ARE IT FOR ME. WE ARE ENDGAME. WE ARE IT. I AM GOING TO LOVE YOU. I DO LOVE YOU NINI FOREVER. AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM US. OK WE ARE SOULMATES. I LOVE YOU NINA AMOR SALAZAR ROBERTS." i stand there stunned, he rushes toward me our lips collide in a furry. he pulls away, "we are it sal-robs ok, we are endgame, no pushing me away alright." i nod. we kiss again and again and again.