Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 13

“I, ah, used the one in my condo, Mee,” I fibbed.

“Oh, okay,” she replied, however deepening the pang of guilt in my chest as she accepted my answer without a hint of suspicion and a shadow of a doubt, her trusting me completely.

It felt as though my life had flashed before my eyes, everything unfolding in rapid succession. I had just turned eighteen, and now, because of my carelessness, the looming possibility of pregnancy threatened to upend my entire world and spin it in a complete three hundred sixty degree turn.

Lumapit si Mumeee sa akin, umupo sa kama sa tabi ko, at saka yumakap.

“Your dad and I feel bad that we haven’t been spending much time with you and Djordi. But once we sort out the issues with the company, we promise to make it up to you, okay?” she reassured me.

I clung to her arm and leaned as she tightened her hugs, me wanting desperately to tell her the truth, but fear held me back.

I was so sorry.

I was such a fool.

I was a failure.

I tried to calm down, convincing myself that my period might be just delayed and would soon come. However, as days passed still without it arriving, I was forced to face the inevitable, the possibility of being pregnant, I finally decided to take the test.

Kabado akong nag-lock sa loob ng banyo sa condo ko noong makarating mula sa pagbili ng pregnancy test. Ipinatong ko ‘yong supot sa sink top pero hindi ko naman magawang buksan.

I could not take it.

I could not even touch it.

I was not ready to learn about the truth.

Habang nakatulala sa kawalan ay biglang may nagpop na notifications sa screen ng cellphone ko na nakapatong sa sink katabi noong supot. Dinungaw ko iyon at mas lalo lamang na naiyak nang makita ‘yong mga panibagong text messages ni Vini sa akin.

I did not open my inbox and just read the messages through the notifications as they kept flashing on the screen.

    Vinicake: You alright?

    Vinicake: Where are you?

    Vinicake: Are you in your condo?

    Vinicake: Want me to buy you something?

    Vinicake: Dal, is something going on?

    Vinicake: I’m worried.

    Vinicake: I’m at home. Text me if you want me in the condo.

    Vinicake: I want you tonight.

    Vinicake: I miss you.

I painfully tore my gaze away from my cellphone screen and slowly sunk to the bathroom floor, hugging my knees tightly as hot tears streamed down my face.