Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 20

I was staring at the ceiling of the hospital room I was in, contemplating on my life and the days that would follow after Mumeee and the nurse had returned the baby to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, because apparently, babies with Down syndrome were naturally born with a specific heart disease and the reason she had to be there, when Ellis’s mother, Mrs. Ellaine Muller, suddenly showed up, raging and demanding.

“I cannot believe you didn’t tell us about you having an abnormal baby!”

“Mrs. Muller—”

“How did that happen? No one in our family had defected genes!” aniya pa, ni hindi man lang ako hinayaang magpaliwanag, ni hindi man lang pinili ‘yong mga salitang lumabas sa bibig niya. “Had I known about this, we should’ve suggested for you to abort the baby! This is going to be a big scandal in our family! That baby will only shame our reputation!”

My eyes blinked at her and my mouth parted in disbelief at what she had said. But most of all, I found myself hurting for my daughter once again. Wala pa man. Iilang oras pa nga lang siyang naipanganganak at naririto sa mundo ay ganito na agad ‘yong sinasabi sa kaniya.

What more when she grew up?

“Mrs. Muller, please be mindful of your words! That is my baby you are talking about!” I almost yelled at her, could not tolerate the horrible words directed at my daughter. And now, I finally understood where Ellis inherited his psychotic behavior. It was from her, his mother!

She took in a deep breath and intently looked at me. “You are not going to introduce your defective daughter to the public, do you understand, hija? You will not tell them that your abnormal baby belongs to my son! I really did not know what was with him that he is obssessed with you! I knew this engagement was a bad idea! It was only our son that wanted this!”

My forehead furrowed and my eyes squinted at her. “What do you mean, Mrs. Muller?” naguguluhang tanong ko.

Napalunok siya nang malalim at sunod-sunod sabay iwas ng tingin sa akin, tila ba may nasabi siyang hindi dapat niyang sabihin. I opened my mouth to speak and ask her again what she meant by what she had said, but she was already walking out the doors.

My baby spent two months in the hospital before she was allowed to leave. And every day, without fail, all I did was pour my heart into loving her, giving everything I had, everything I could muster.

“I love you. Even if the world doesn’t understand, even if they will not accept you, please know that Mommy is always here for you. I’ve got your back, alright? I’d give my life for you, Dahlia,” I murmured softly after breastfeeding her on the night we went home from the hospital.

I stopped schooling for one year to focus on Dahlia. The doctors said that in order to give my baby a normal life and while Down syndrome had no specific treatment, there was a wide range of physical and developmental therapies that were designed to help her reach her full potential and lay a strong foundation for future growth and learning.