Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 19

Lost in deep thoughts and while the party was going on, I was approached by my father’s older sister, Auntie Delaney, my favorite auntie, with no offense meant to Auntie Dolce.

“Hey,” she beamed at me as she occupied the chair beside mine. Agad na yumakap naman ako sa kaniya, humilig sa balikat niya, at saka nagsumiksik na parang isang bata. “Aww, come here, my baby girl!”

“Tita,” naiiyak na pagtawag ko habang ‘yong matinding kagustuhan na magsumbong at humingi ng tulong sa kaniya ay nais nang kumawala sa lalamunan ko. After all, she, her husband, Uncle Giacomo, and his family, the Deandres, had the means to help our family financially.

“What is it, hmm? Okay ka lang ba? Parang kanina ko pa napapansin na hindi ka masaya,” she told me.

Maliban sa mga magulang ko, walang ibang nakaaalam ng mga nangyari sa akin kahit sila pa na pamilya namin. They decided on that course of action believing it was better for those things to be kept hidden so that no one could use it against us, especially in the world we lived in where St. Pierre’s family was an open book. Many people from the press made a living by digging up dirt about our us, being paid by our business rivals to do their best to pull us down, and there had already been so many scandals we had been through in the past, getting pregnant at an early age and the situation with my baby would surely ruin our reputation. Ayoko ng gulong iyon. Ayokong madamay ‘yong mga mahal ko sa buhay lalong-lalo na at kaaayos pa lamang noong isang problema.

“I cannot believe that our baby girl is now engaged,” Auntie Delaney said, breaking me out of my trance.

Hindi ako sumagot at imbes ay yumakap nang mahigpit sa kaniya.

“Dal, is everything really alright with you? Are you being pressured into this engagement, hmm? I can speak to your parents—”

I interrupted her, shook my head, and said, “I am just tired, Tita.”

“Are you sure?” she asked to which I nodded unwillingly. “Because trust me that you wouldn’t want to be in an arranged marriage. My father, your grandpa, did it to me before.”

Remembering her own struggles with arranged marriage only reinforced my decision to remain silent. Once again, I refused to burden and drag them with my problems. This was my cross I had to bear alone.

Wala nang nagsalita pa sa aming dalawa, siya na marahang hinahaplos ang braso ko habang nakatingin kami roon sa isang sikat na singer na nagpeperform sa stage.

“Dal,” biglang pagtawag niya.

“Hmm?” I responded.

“I thought it’s Vini you wanted to marry? I could still remember when you were young where you used to tell me about that,” she said with a small chuckle.

Tears suddenly blurred my vision and the ache in my heart bloomed once again, throbbing with the pain of something that would never come to fruition. It felt like yesterday when I was just a young girl, dreaming of a happily ever after with the boy I loved. And then, in the blink of an eye, I was thrust into a place and situation I never wanted to be in and left facing an impending doom.