Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 14

I had been hurt by Vini many times already, whether intentional or not. But this particular pain was unlike any I had experienced before. My heart literally felt like it was being pounded into dust, and for a moment, it would have been better if he had killed me instead.

“Dallas, Kalilah, I am so sorry about our son’s behavior. But you don’t have to worry because Davin and I will make sure that he takes responsibility for Dal and their baby,” Tita Nina said to my parents, then tilted her head at me, looking very heartbroken.

I looked away from her, feeling embarrassed, because it seemed like I not only let down my parents but also disappointed them. While she might have supported me, again, her son and I were simply too young for this.

“Maybe we could talk about this some other day. It’s been overwhelming for all of us, particularly for our children,” sabi naman ni Tito Davin bago sila nagpaalam na aalis na.

Isang malungkot at sumisimpatyang tingin ang ibinigay ni Tita Nina sa akin bago sila umalis. When they were gone, Dee-dee slumped back in his seat, his restless energy palpable as he frustratingly buried his face in his hands, muttering a string of profanities under his breath.

“Dee-dee, I am so sorry—”

Natigil ako noong bigla siyang tumayo at nag-walk out. Napalunok ako nang malalim at kahit anong pagkagat ko sa labi ay hindi ko na mapigilan pa ‘yong mga luha at hikbi dahil nawala na ‘yong dating paggiliw niya sa akin.

Muling nagkulong ako sa loob ng kuwarto ko at nakatulugan ang pag-iyak at pag-iisip sa mga nangyari. Alas nuebe ng gabi noong magising ako sa kumakalam na sikmura at gayunding sumasakit na naman ang mga balikat ko. I had not eaten anything yet and I was so hungry. And perhaps, there was pain reliever somewhere.

Bumaba ako ng kama, lumabas ng kuwarto ko, at saka tahimik na nilakad ang patungo sa kusina habang hinahaplos ‘yong kumikirot na balikat ko. As I approached there, I noticed the lights were on, and as I drew closer, I overheard Dee-dee and Mumeee engaged in a conversation. Napasandal ako sa pader at tahimik na nakinig sa usapan nilang dalawa, gayunding tahimik na ininda ‘yong sakit ng balikat ko.

“What are we going to do now, Dallas? Everything seems falling apart in our business and family,” ani Mumeee sa naiiyak na tinig.

I tightly closed my eyes, burdened by a heavy conscience as I realized the gravity of what I had done to them. Hearing the sound of my mother crying was shattering my heart, for she was once the most optimistic woman I knew. Whenever there was a problem in the family, she would cheer us up and would tell us that there was always a solution to anything, but now, she seemed on the verge of surrender.

“You know I won’t allow it to happen, Kalilah,” Dee-dee replied.

“But it is already here! Thousands of our gas stations are on the brink of closure. We’ve exhausted all efforts, but nothing positive is happening!” Mumeee frustratedly responded. “And then there is Dal being pregnant. Dallas, mababaliw na ako sa lahat ng ito! Hindi ko na alam pa kung papaano sosolusyonan ito! She is too young for responsibilities! Too inexperienced about life to be a single mother!”