Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 2

I woke up the next day to Vini’s text messages. Seeing his name on the notification bar, the smile on my lips was automatic, I could not wait to start my day with his morning greeting, but only to get disappointed and hurt, yet again, by him.

    Vinicake: Hindi kita masusundo. Kisses has a seven o’clock class schedule today. Mauuna na kaming dalawa sa school.

    Vinicake: See you.

I smiled bitterly at how his text sounded in my head—no emotion, not a good morning greeting, and he for sure didn’t even consider how I might be feeling.

Lahat ng gana ko ay naglaho na parang bula kahit kasisimula pa lamang ng araw ko. I hated me. I hated thinking and believing that what we had was a fairytale, only to discover that it was not far from that.

Hindi na ako nagreply pa dahil hindi ko naman alam ang isasagot doon. Unwilling to rise from the bed, I pushed myself up and get ready for school, kahit pa ang gusto ko na lang talaga ay ang umabsent ngayon.

When done with my bath rituals, I wore a white crop top and black leggings paired with white sneakers. And as usual, noong bumaba ako sa dining room kung saan naroon si Dee-dee ay hindi na naman pasado sa kaniya ‘yong suot ko. I watched as he put the newspaper he was reading down the table and lowered his eyeglasses, his eyes scanning me from head to feet.

“Isn’t that too tight-fitting, hmm?” komento niya sa suot kong leggings habang tumataas ang tingin sa suot kong crop top. “At kita na ang pusod mo. Pupuwede ba ‘yan sa school ninyo? Doll, baka malamigan ka,” aniya pa, hindi ko alam kung seryoso ba siya o nagpapatawa.

“Dee-dee!” pagtawag ko habang nanghahaba ang nguso sa kaniya. “Come on! Don’t spoil my day! I look pretty in this outfit kaya!”

He hissed, shook his head, and did not say anything anymore. Sinabihan niya akong kumain na habang hinihintay namin ‘yong kapatid ko na sobrang kupad kumilos. When I asked about Mumeee, as usual, she was already at the office.

“Susunduin ka ba ni Vini?” biglang tanong niya.

Sa totoo lang ay wala akong ganang kumain at mas nawalan pa ng gana dahil sa tanong na iyon. Uninvitedly, my mind filled with images of him and Kisses while inside his car going to school together, them laughing and while she was blushing to Vini’s corny pickup lines.

“Are you with me? I was asking if Vini is going to fetch you,” Dee-dee asked, nudging me from my musings.

A terrible sadness pierced my heart and it took a moment before I trusted myself to speak.

“Ah, ano po,” but I did not know what to say.

“Doll? Are you really okay? Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo? Why don’t you just absent today, hmm?” he worried more.

I shook my head harshly, as if by doing that, the torturous images of them together in my mind would disappear.

“Ah, nagtext po siya sa akin at sinabing mauuna na raw po siya sa school. May ano, ah, may tryouts daw po siya sa Chess,” I lied and because if I told him about Vini putting Kisses as his more priority, ay alam kong gulo lang ito. “Hatid mo na lang po ako, hmm?”