Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 17

Ellis surprised the whole class, particularly me, by ending that engagement announcement with a kiss on my lips, leaving me completely taken aback as it was something I had not anticipated him doing. Pero hindi ko na lang ‘yon ginawa pang isang malaking issue kahit medyo na-offend ako.

Days bled into one another after that day, and I believed my life was leaning towards the better and the brighter. And while becoming pregnant at a young age should not be set as a good example for others, it became a source of inspiration for me. The child growing inside my body motivated me to strive for the better, making me want to become the best version of myself, to be someone she could look up to with pride. And because I had already made a firm commitment to my parents to do good in my studies and make them proud of me in the future, I studied hard than I ever had before.

“Very impressive of you, hija. Not only have you excelled in the exam, but you also submitted your research paper before its deadline,” puri ng teacher sa akin. “Ipagpatuloy mo lang ‘yan, okay?”

“Opo! Thank you so much, Ma’am!” sabi ko habang sayang-saya ‘yong puso ko. I was really so proud of myself because I had done it without the help of other people.

Kaya ko pala.

At kakayanin ko ‘yong iba pa kahit ako lang na mag-isa.

Unti-unti, ‘yong ngiti sa labi ng teacher ay napawi. “Parang nagkabaligtad kayo ni Vini. Because look at him. He is the one having poor performance now. Kung hindi siya parating late pumasok sa umaga ay natutulog naman siya sa oras ng klase ninyo. Ilang subject teachers na ang nakapapansin noon,” she added, followed by a heavy sigh.

The smile on my lips vanished as well as what she said was true.

“Magkaibigan kayo, hindi ba, hija? Ano ba ang nangyayari sa kaniya?” tanong ng teacher sa akin. “May problema ba siya sa bahay?”

“Hindi ko po alam,” tanging nasagot ko na lamang.

“Kung patuloy siyang magiging ganito ay masisira talaga ang kinabukasan niya. Sayang ang kaibigan mong ‘yon. Sobrang talino pa naman,” sabi pa ng teacher.

I left the faculty office with a heavy heart, but I quickly stomped down the feeling of concern for him. Wala na akong pakialam pa kung sirain man niya ang buhay niya.

Another couple of days passed that I was just juggling school and pregnancy. Kahit pa sa umaga ay hirap na hirap akong bumangon, nahihilo at nasusuka, habang sa gabi naman ay parating antok na antok ako.

“Dal, how about you take a break from school for the meantime? You can always return once you’ve given birth,” Mumeee expressed concern when she saw me still awake at midnight, working on my research paper.

“I appreciate your concern, Mee, but I am fine,” I replied with a forced smile and despite the pain in my back and my drooping eyelids.

“Dal—”