Things to know

but we were sposed to..

when you think of me
what words come to mind
manipulative?
obsessive?
broken?

when I think of you
I think
Blue
I think red
I think disrespected
I think ouch

When I think of you
I think
Fuck
I think dammit
I think
Why did I ever trust you

I wanted so badly
For you to be the one
Maybe not the one in all caps
But definitely the one
I could be something to
I wanted so badly for us to work out
I wanted to prove to everyone
But mainly to myself
That I wasn't broken beyond repair
That I could make a relationship work

I wanted to prove to your mom
That you and I were going to last
I wanted to prove to my mom
That I was good enough for someone
I wanted to prove to our friends
That you were a good guy
I wanted to prove to my friends
That you could treat me well

I wanted to show you off
But not as a trophy
Not as a prize
But as someone who was
Completely and utterly
Mine

I just wanted you to be mine
Solely mine
I wanted you to myself
Not in a selfish kind of way
But more in a
I was so blindly stupidly
In love with you, kind of way

We were supposed to go places
We were supposed to be something
We were supposed to last
We were gonna make it

How did we get here
To fights
And ignoring each other
And playing games
That hurts one of us
While the other is indifferent

How do you turn your feelings off
The way that you do?
Can you teach me?
I think I want to be
Over you

I don't want to upset you
I don't want you to hurt
But I don't want to be upset
Or hurting anymore
So teach me your ways

Teach me how to not care
Teach me how to not stare
When you walk past
Teach me how to stop pushing
When I was just supposed to stand still

Loving you is like pulling on a door
That's marked push
And expecting it to open
It won't fucking work
And yet I keep trying
Because surely if I try hard enough
It'll work
And we'll go back
To the great days of how
We used to be