Please, Remember The Bench (BY: Book 3)

That Smile

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Stef's POV

It has been hard to see my mom go back to her life and then all the kids... I understood though, they have their life, and they have to live it, beside I'm so grateful that they all took some time off from their job and life just to come spend time with me, support me even though I couldn't remember a single one of them.

Now in the house it's just me, Lena and Kamaya... that little girl I swear is a little sunshine and she's very smart. I can see so much of Lena in her, and when she becomes all bossy and obsesses with something, I can even see a little bit of myself.

It was as cute as it was confusing, but I like it, love it even and she was slowly stealing my heart even though it is still hard for me to see her as my daughter.

Lena and I are in good terms now, we commutate more, we both try our best not to drive the other crazy. She's less on my back, even though sometimes she can't help it, and I for one is trying very hard to be nice and not be disrespectful or angry at her. I admit that it was hard because for whatever reason I'm angry at her, I have this urge to be defensive every time she says something to me, and I have no idea why.

I can see her good sides too though, and yes, I like her personality, she's not as bad as I thought and the most important was that she was a good person, so from there, I just have to be patient and compromise. Then I'll see what I will do once I would be able to move around without problems.

It is obvious that I wasn't going to abandoned Kamaya or act as if I don't have all the children that I have. I do have them, and I will learn to know them and love them because those kids, I could see really do love me, so I owe them at least that.

Now Lena is another story... she's nice and everything, but if I don't love her, if I don't feel married to her, I don't see how I could stay here, living under the same roof as her, losing her time and mine when she could probably be happy with someone else, someone that will love her unlike me...

I mean I can't force myself, I can't force love, or even a sexuality for I didn't entirely come to term with the fact that I'm a lesbian yet...

Also, maybe I should ask questions about how this happened because if I don't, I don't think I will ever understand this thing. It's true that I haven't been asking Lena many questions because I'm embarrassed to ask them for the questions that I would ask will revealed my fears, my incomprehension and it would make me...vulnerable... and I hate that more than anything...

The problem is that I don't have much of a choice if I want to understand my life... besides, like I said, Lena is not that bad so maybe asking her will not be that awful.

I think that now is a good time, I mean we're in the car going to my physical therapy session of the day, and as always, it's silent because I don't dare making conversation, and I have rejected her so much when she tried that she doesn't even dare either anymore.

"So... would you mind if I ask you a few questions about... about me, my life?" I find the courage to ask as I can see her smiling to herself as she's driving.

I guess it was a torture for her not to tell me everything about our life, I know she tries to protect me and not bombard me with information for she did try once, and that didn't go well at all. I felt so overwhelmed that I screamed at her, and it was so loud that she never tried that ever again.

I could tell she wanted to though, but I guess she understood that she had to wait until I was ready to come to her first. That again was nice of her.

"Sure, you can ask me anything." She says softly trying not to sound too excited for I noticed that the woman loves to talk, like she talks a lot and with her and Kamaya in the same house, it never ends. I wonder if I used to like this, for I appreciate the silence sometimes you know.