Please, Remember The Bench (BY: Book 3)

My Daddy

Lena's POV

Stef has been trying to talk to me multiple times over the last couple of days... I just didn't want to hear it...

All I could think about was what Tess said to me... not necessarily about what Stef might had said, even though that was more painful than I would like to admit, but mostly about what she said about Stef unconsciously wanting to forget about me, because I have hurt her so much...

It makes sense, it really does, I've read a bit about it, and it was true that some patients forget what is hard for them to process... now what if that was the case for Stef... how can we possibly survive this?

Now I find myself pushing her away so hard in order to avoid being hurt by her again. And I know that she's frustrated and sad about how I react to her now. I know she feels guilty about not listening to me when I specifically told her to be careful with Tess, she just didn't trust me enough, I guess...

The problem is... I might need my wife now... really badly because I... my dad... my daddy is dead... and as I hang up the phone with my mom, I feel like my whole world would never be the same, and the pain I feel inside of me, is so unbearable that I wonder how... how people survive the loss of one of their parents that gave them life and love them harder than anyone ever did...

"Lena? Lena what... what happened?" I hear Stef say as she approaches me, and I just drop the phone on the floor... feeling the strength in my body leaving me...

"Hey, Lena... please talk to me, hum... please..." she says as she put her hands on my arms, and it just made me even weaker because I don't want to need her...

"My... dad, he... he... he had a heart attack and... hum he... he's dead... my daddy is dead..." I whisper as my legs are abandoning me and Stef has to make me sit on the couch that fortunately was right next to us.

"Oh Lena... I'm so sorry, love... I..." Stef say, and I barely heard her for my mind is numb now, and I just... I just got in automatic mode... I can't break down now... I don't even want to cry, I just... I just wish I could shut my feelings down and never feel anything ever again for this life is... this life is a bitch.

"I... I need to get to Berkley... I... the funeral is tomorrow... I need to call the kids... and... I... I need to book a flight ticket... and..." I start rambling for I have so many things to do all of the sudden.

It's so odd, it's almost like he's still alive... like it's not real. I feel like I could call him, and he would just... just pick up the phone...

"Lena, I'll do all of that, it's okay. I'll book the flights tickets for us, and call the kids, don't worry..." Stef says as at this I almost jump.

"No... you... you don't need to come with me... you don't even remember him... you don't have to do that;" I say for the last thing I want is someone feeling forced to be there with me, I don't want her there.

"Lena, of course I'm coming. I might not remember but you told me that your father and I loved each other, and I... I want to be here to support you, and I will be here, Lena." she says as I look into her compassionate eyes now, and I don't really know what to say to her.

"I'm not leaving you alone in this. I'll be here Lena, for whatever you need, you hear me? You can still be mad at me, but I'll be here for you. You said it was one of our rules." She says so softly, her arm still around me, and I wish I could just melt into her and forget about everything. I wish she could just make love to me, over and over until I can't feel a thing anymore and it's now, more than ever that I miss my wife... I miss her so badly.

"Let me handle it, okay? I'm going to make you some tea. Then, we'll go upstairs and pack our bags. I'll book the tickets and then we go pick up Kamaya from school, I'll tell her what's going on if you want me to, and we'll go straight to the airport." She explains carefully as I admit I feel grateful that I don't have to do all of that stuff alone...