begin again | woosan

- eighty three -

tw / discussions surrounding suicide attempt & suicidal thoughts

it felt like they had been waiting for an eternity before they were let into wooyoung's room. all of the boys were there now, hongjoong having brought yunho and mingi along with him.

once they saw that wooyoung was stable, yeosang realized that he should call the boy's mom and fill her in.

"i-i should call his mom..." yeosang whimpered.

"i'll come with you, love," jongho offered, squeezing the boy's hand.

yeosang nodded and the two left the room, then mingi spoke softly.

"i didn't even know he had those thoughts..."

"he only told me a few months ago... he didn't want to worry anyone," seonghwa explained.

"i-i caught him... t-the first time he tried. b-before he did anything," san muttered, squeezing the unconscious boy's hand.

"sunshine, if you can hear us... please, please keep holding on. we know it's been hard, but we're all so proud of how far you've come and we don't want to lose you..." hongjoong whispered, kissing wooyoung's head.

the group stood in silence for a few minutes, then seonghwa spoke up again.

"let's give san some time alone with him... we can come back in a bit."

hongjoong nodded in agreement, yunho and mingi following the boys' lead as they started to make their way out. seonghwa popped his head back in before fully leaving though, making sure san knew he could call or text if he needed anything.

once the boys were gone, san gently brushed through wooyoung's hair, watching the boy carefully.

"h-hi, love... i'm sorry that we had to bring you here, i know h-how much you hate it. but they're taking care of you, yeah? a-and as soon as you're allowed to leave, we can go home and cuddle with bada by our side, and i'll stay for as long as you'd like. doesn't that sound good?"

san sighed a bit, knowing he probably looked stupid talking to wooyoung when the boy was unconscious.

"i-i love you, you know that?"

san stayed silent for a few minutes after this, just playing with wooyoung's hair and staring at the boy longingly.

"p-please wake up s-soon... i'm really scared, woo... i-i can't lose you like this. w-we're supposed to grow old together, my love. p-please don't leave me before that," san whimpered, fresh tears welling up in his eyes.

"i-i'm so sorry, woo..." san cried, resting his head against the boy's cold hand.

san cried for what felt like hours, beginning to feel sick when there were no tears left.

"i-i'll be right back, love... i-i just... i-i feel sick right now," san muttered out, then heading into the bathroom within the boy's hospital room.

he sat beside the toilet and held his head in his hands, taking deep breaths and trying not to throw up. he stayed there for a while, and once the feeling passed, he stood, splashing his face with cold water before heading back to sit with wooyoung.

"s-sorry about that, my love. i hope you didn't get too lonely..." san whispered.

san sat by wooyoung's side for hours, the other boys coming and going. he spent the time talking about nonsensical things, until soon, visitor hours were set to end.

"oh, i guess i'll have to go soon... visiting hours are almost done. i-i'll come back first thing tomorrow, okay, angel?"

"san, we have to get going," jongho said, popping his head into the room.

"i-i'll be out in a second, i'm just saying bye for the night."

"okay..."

the door closed again and san took a deep breath.

"i'll see you tomorrow, okay? first thing. a-and maybe you'll be strong enough to wake up then, yeah? i'm going to go cuddle with bada and make sure he feels safe while you're gone, i promise i'll take good care of him for you. i love you so much, okay?"

san sighed a bit, then leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to wooyoung's lips.

"see you tomorrow, baby."

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we got tour announcement so i said fuck it let's double update