begin again | woosan (✓)

- ninety four -

tw / brief mentions of past suicide attempts, eating disorder, past abuse & past rape

day after day, wooyoung was starting to get stronger. he had visited his therapist again for the first time in nearly a month and been put back on medication, as well as an elaborate therapeutic plan. he was also given restrictions regarding his medication after hearing about his attempts and how they had consistently aligned with misusing pills. yeosang and seonghwa would hold onto the bottle and administer his medication daily, and if one of them couldn't do it, they both told san where they kept it so he could.

in a way, it made wooyoung feel like a child, but he ultimately understood that it was in his best interest. he wanted to live, no matter how hard his struggles were.

the boy was still struggling a bit to eat much food, but thankfully he was still maintaining a healthy weight and getting the nutrients he needed with smoothies. he was also back in classes, working closely with his professors to catch up on everything he had missed.

he had disclosed to a couple of his dance instructors that he had an eating disorder, specifically so that if he came in on an off day where he wasn't feeling good because he couldn't eat or really take in much fuel, he could sit out and just observe in class rather than risk passing out or making himself sick. san was especially proud of him for this, as he knew how hard it was for wooyoung to be vulnerable about his eating disorder.

all eight boys finally had the chance to have a sleepover after three weeks of wooyoung being back, and the boy could barely contain his excitement. he had been having a really good day, he was having a decent time eating and was surrounded by his favorite people. bada followed wooyoung around the whole day, almost like a guard dog, although the puppy was still too small to be one. san found it cute, especially seeing how bada would sit and stare at wooyoung while the boy was having conversations with the entire group.

later in the night, everyone had fallen asleep except san, who held wooyoung close to him. he wasn't sure why he couldn't sleep, but there was something keeping him up. he felt like something was wrong, but he couldn't seem to out his finger on what it was.

the boy was finally starting to lose his battle to sleep when wooyoung's eyes shot open and he tightened his grip on san.

"san..." wooyoung whispered, his voice shaky.

"baby... hey, do you want to go to your room for a bit? talk there?"

wooyoung nodded, his eyes welled with tears, and san quickly helped the boy up. they made their way to wooyoung's room, where wooyoung burst into tears and fell to the floor, shaking.

"woo..." san muttered softly, kneeling down and helping the boy up again. "let's sit on the bed, c'mere~"

with a nod, wooyoung allowed san to guide him to the bed and sit, then the older pulled the boy into a tight hug.

"i'm here when you're ready, love... just let it all out, you're safe."

"i-i had a nightmare... i-i was being beaten by him again. i-it was exactly what happened the first time i-i said no to him, t-to sex. h-he hurt me so bad that day, a-and then he f-fucking raped me. a-and i was so scared, s-so i stayed quiet. i-i kept my mouth shut."

"oh my god... baby..."

"w-when i woke up the next morning, after i had gone home and all, i looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't stop crying. i-i wondered what i did wrong and-and how i ended up in this situation... i-i just wanted to be loved, sannie..."

"you're loved now, woo. i'll love you forever, yeah?"

"i-i know... a-and i love you so much, sannie. i-it was just so scary... t-that nightmare? i felt like i was stuck, i-i wanted to get out of there so bad. i don't like being reminded of those things... i really don't."

"lovebug... has this happened a lot recently?" san asked calmly.

wooyoung shook his head.

"not much..."

"tell your therapist when you see her next, okay? i think it's important for her to know."

"okay... i will."

"let's stay in here for a bit, make sure you have some time and space for yourself."

"yes please," wooyoung whispered, starting to cling to the boy.

san brushed his fingers through wooyoung's hair, kissing his forehead and keeping him close.

"i love you, woo~"

"i-i love you too, sannie... so much."

san smiled slightly, hiding a yawn, but wooyoung quickly noticed and frowned.

"sannie... have you slept yet?"

"no... not yet."

"let's stay here tonight," wooyoung suggested.

"but baby... it's supposed to be a sleepover, shouldn't we be out there with everyone?"

wooyoung shrugged.

"we can stay here, they all know that sometimes i just need my bed and a smaller space. it brings me comfort when i'm feeling panicky or unsafe."

"you want to stay in here too, don't you?" san asked softly.

wooyoung nodded, looking up at san.

"i really want to stay in a smaller place right now... that nightmare messed with me a lot..."

"okay... we can stay in here, that's fine. just text sangie or hwa so they know where we are in the morning."

wooyoung hummed in agreement, grabbing his phone and sending a quick text to yeosang letting the boy know. then, he pulled san to be laying down and the two curled up together.

"sannie?"

"yes, my love?"

"i haven't told anyone this yet... not even my therapist. but i really want to be able to have sex with you someday. i-i know it's way too soon for me now, when everything he did to me still affects my every move, but someday i would like to be able to. a-and i used to think that was out of reach for me... but i don't think it is anymore. i trust you... i-i know you'll take care of me and respect me a-and i just... i know that it may not be for a while but i think it's possible."

san hugged wooyoung close with this, pressing a soft kiss to the boy's forehead as he did.

"my angel... you take as long as you need, okay? i'm not going anywhere. when you think you're ready, you let me know and we can try. it may not work out the first time, either, yeah? you may need to build up to it. no matter what though, i'm there."

wooyoung sighed in relief and hugged onto san a bit tighter, nuzzling into his neck.

"i love you."

"and i love you."

the two boys settled down for the night at this, wooyoung safe between san's arms and feeling unstoppable. wooyoung fell asleep quickly, san still somewhat awake at this point. he looks down at the boy between his arms and sighed happily, brushing through the boy's hair.

"i love you so much, my angel... take your time, okay? you have me absolutely wrapped around your finger, i'm not going anywhere. thank you for being you, baby. my beautiful, resilient, lovely wooyoung."

pressing a kiss to wooyoung's forehead, san started to close his eyes, finally falling asleep.

the two rested peacefully after that for the rest of the night, wooyoung feeling safe in his lover's embrace, and san feeling on top of the world. as long as he had wooyoung, everything in his life had meaning.

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she's backkkkkk