begin again | woosan (✓)

- one hundred nineteen -

tw / panic attack

san's alarm went off bright and early, wooyoung whining as the warmth beside him was replaced with the cold air of the room.

"i'm sorry, my love... i wish i could stay here with you, but i have to get ready for class."

"can i stay while you're gone?" wooyoung muttered sleepily. "don't wanna get up yet..."

"of course, my angel. you'll be okay alone?"

"mhmm... probably just going to sleep anyways."

"okay... call me though if you need anything?" san asked while he changed.

"yes, sannie... of course i will."

"good. i know you've been doing amazing and all, i just can't help but worry about you, y'know? i want you safe always."

"i know, sannie. i'm the same way. i have no reason to worry about you, but i do anyways because i want you safe."

"i love you a lot, woo."

"i love you more."

san smiled and finished up getting ready before he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning down to give wooyoung a warm hug and kiss.

"i'll miss you~" wooyoung said sweetly.

"my wooyoung... i'll miss you more, love~"

"i don't want you to be late, go on and grab something to eat before you go, i'll eat when i'm actually awake."

san nodded, pressing a final kiss to wooyoung's forehead before leaving the room and heading to grab something for breakfast.

wooyoung smiled contently when the older left the room, sighing happily as he snuggled into the blankets and drifted back to sleep for a couple hours longer.

when he finally woke up again, everything felt off. wooyoung immediately knew what the feeling was, frantically trying to find something to ground himself with. he barely got to san's closet when the feeling started to overwhelm him, his legs growing shaky.

he needed to push through just a little longer, just so he could get one of san's hoodies and put it on. he took deep breaths as he tried to focus on the task, whimpering as he felt pain in his abdomen and his cheek.

"please... no..." wooyoung whined, struggling to put the hoodie on and take in san's scent.

the boy fell to the ground, his legs no longer strong enough to hold him up, and he opted to crawl back to bed. he would feel safe there, surrounded by warmth and the smell of his boyfriend.

tears started to pour out of his eyes as he tried to pull himself into bed, frustrated by how hard it was and terrified by the thoughts that plagued his mind.

"please... no... no more," wooyoung continued to cry, squeezing his eyes shut and putting his hands over his eyes as he leaned against the bed, momentarily giving up on making it under the covers.

he tried to remember everything his therapist had taught him for when he was in situations like this, where he was completely alone during a panic attack, but he was struggling to think straight.

"sannie... m-make sannie proud..." he muttered, almost as if it were a mantra for him to follow.

he knew that no matter what, san would be proud of him for coping with one of his panic attacks alone, but he really wanted to show his boyfriend just how far he had come. he couldn't let his mind win.

he spent a couple more minutes on the floor, trying hard to battle his thoughts, before he finally used all his strength to get into bed and wrap himself in blankets. wooyoung was determined to get through this safely and come out of it feeling alright.