Lately, I have been thinking, If I just disappeared, would people even notice?
I don't know what's wrong with me, I really don't know! Maybe because I haven't forgived my uncle for what he did to me for 7 years. Or maybe I haven't forgived my parents for not doing anything to stop him. All they did was shutting their mouths and not say a word to no one.
But forgiving someone is really hard for me, especially if I have been depressed and traumatized my whole childhood.
And thinking about that, I never really had a normal childhood. I don't even remember being happy. Maybe I won't be happy at all.
It's sad to know that my life is....well...shit! I have been traumatized enough but it's still getting to me at school and at home!
I know I'm not alone in this, but it feels like I am. I always have to save myself and pick myself up! I saved myself from my uncle by telling the school counselors too late. Parents supposed to protect their child, but they didn't do that for me.
I love my parents and care for them, I do. It's just that, they made a mistake for not doing anything to protect their own daughter! And I don't know if I will forgive them....will I?
Sometimes I feel like I want to runaway somewhere where I could be happy and to meet new people that would listen and understand me better than my parents and family. And just for once I want to be free and not be tormented any longer, I had enough of that!
This may be my last story to tell you. Maybe or maybe not, I will write again. Just know that if I'm not, it means that I'm doing fine and you don't have to worry about me. Just know that I'm finally happy.
I'm sorry to all my family and friends that I have hurt over the years. Just know I was not in my right mind at the time, and I didn't mean to hurt you or anybody else. I really meant it!
Hope to write again soon, hopefully. This is goodbye for now. Hope your life right now is beautiful, as it always should be :)
