Already halfway through my junior year, and I guess it's going great.
My school counselor called me down to her office. I went down not worrying about anything because this year, there was no drama at all!
I went inside her office and she told to sit. She stood up from her desk and closed the door. Sat back down and said, "How are you? You're grades look pretty good".
"I'm good" I lied.
"I just wanted to check in with you on how you are doing after these past two years being here. A lot has happened hasn't it?"
"Yeah....it was pretty bad, but now I'm getting better. I still see my therapist every week".
"Great. And how's _____? Did she transfer to another high school? Or what?"
(Fyi: she's talking about my friend that was threatening me).
"Wait.....you don't know what happened or where she is?!"
"No. Why? Am I supposed to?"
"Ummm yes because they said that all staff members and counselor(s) have to watch me like a hawk until I graduate. How do you not know this?"
"Wait here".
She left the room and I just sat there totally confused. So, I followed her. She went next door to the other counselor's office.
I asked both of them, "Do you guys even know what happened to her?"
"I do. Like the principal said, she is in a mental hospital".
"Then how come Ms._____ didn't know where she is? Are you lying to me?"
The room was silent. I guess they did lie to me.
I raised my voice and started crying saying, "Ha.....so you did lie to me. I should've known better".
I stormed out the room and walked fast to get to my last class. I hear someone behind me running after me. A hand was on my shoulder trying to make me stop walking. I turned around and it was the counselor that lied to me.
"I'm sorry that you thought we lied to you. We just can't tell you information about her"
"Is she okay? Is she getting the help she needed?"
"I wish I can answer that, but I can't".
"All I can tell you is that when I talk to your "friend" she was in a bad place at the wrong time. Her father was sick, her sister had anxiety attacks, she had too much going on. She also told me how she would have visions on how to hurt you. She was imagining that because she said you weren't good to her".
I started crying and said,"You think I didn't know that? You think I didn't know what was going on with her? I tried to help her. I told you twice to talk to her but I don't know if you did or didn't, but you did when it was too late. I was good to her until I had to protect and worry about myself than her. I had to lie to her and say that I was okay when I wasn't because she worries about my safety too much. I wish I could've helped her more.....I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life".
"It's not your fault. It's none of your faults. You girls are surrounded by people that are just going to put you down, and to be honest.....that's how life works. I wish it didn't work like that, but sadly it does. You will need to talk to me every week on how you doing okay?"
"Fine". And I walked to my next class.
It was my last class of the day. I started crying when school was almost over. My teacher noticed that I had watery eyes. She walked by my desk and whispered, "Go freshen up outside and come back in. Okay?"
I nodded.
I went to the restroom, went inside the stall and just cried. I cried so much I couldn't breathe. I got out of the stall and looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself,
"This isn't me! You have to pull yourself together. You've been through enough. I want to see you smile like you did once before. You deserve so much and I know you can get through this. One step at a time. Okay ______. Let's go back in class and remember....tomorrow will be another day!"
I wiped away my tears and left the restroom and went back to class. The teacher asked me, "Are you okay?"
"Yes. I'm fine" I smiled at her.
After that I just kept smiling the whole day. But when I got home, I just went to bed. Didn't eat dinner. Just stared at the ceiling. Didn't sleep last night.
I just hope I get better
