I'm starting to go bad again. Where I would ditch school, have the desire to drink, or commit suicide....again thinking about these things makes me wish I was dead.
But the one thing that's killing me inside is this one flashback that keeps replaying in my head every time I'm ready to go to sleep, but I can't.
It was right afterschool, freshman year and I remember that day very well. I was crying in Ms._____, the one who kept my secret. And then the school counselor called me down to her office.
I went in her office and sat down trying to hold my tears in. The counselor looked at me and smiled. She said, "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine" I lied.
"Were you crying? Did something happen?"
"Nothing happened" I lied again.
"Then why do you have a black eye?"
I didn't answer.
"Can you lift up your sleeves please?"
"Why.....?"
"Just do it"
I lift them up and bruises on my arms. Then she looked at my neck and found more bruises.
She was shocked and said, "Are you being abused at home? If you are you have to tell me so I can help you!"
"I'm not. And I can't tell you anything. I don't trust you!"
"Oh...who do you trust then?"
"No one" I lied.
The bell rang and I said, "May I get to my next class please?"
"Of course".
The next day, Ms._____(the one who kept my secret) told me to come to her class afterschool. I thought, "Nahh I'm not gonna go". Then she told me THREE freaking times to go to her afterschool, that's when I knew something happened.
Before I went in, I checked if anyone is in there but she saw me peeking and said, "Hey, come on in! Close the door please".
I closed the door slowly and I was walking towards her desk to where she was sitting. I tried covering my black eye with my hair but didn't work.
She said, "How are you? We haven't talked for a while?"
"I'm fine".
"Oh really...." she said. Then she got up from her desk, walked towards me and moved my hair to the side and she looked at my black eye.
She held my chin up and said, "You don't have to lie to me".
I started crying. And she sat next to me and said, "What happened? How did you get a black eye?"
"It's a long story....I".
She looked at her watch and said, "I got time" and smiled.
"I did the dumbest thing I ever did so far. I went to my uncle's house and confronted him. I don't know what I was thinking. I should've known better, but I didn't care. I wanted him to go to jail!"
She was shocked and said, "When did you see him?! Did he do something to you?!"
"When I didn't come to class..." I started to cry more and said, "He was already drinking. I told him to confess or I will go to the police. And I left, but he ran after me and grabbed me and took me inside his house. He started beating me. He pushed me down on the floor and he was kicking me on my side. And he grabbed me by my hair and hit me on my face and I fell to the floor. He said if I ever go to the police or come back to his house, he'll make sure that I was dead".
She was crying and hugged me.
I was crying on her shoulder and said, "Please don't tell anyone....I don't want him to hurt me or.....".
She let go of me and grabbed me by my shoulders and said, "Or what? Is he going to hit somebody else?"
"No no....just don't tell anyone please!.... promise?"
"I don't think I can this time....I have to report this to the school counselor. I...."
I got up from my chair and said, "So that's why you told me to come. Because she told you about my eye?! She thinks I trust you right?! Am I right!?"
"Yes, but I wanted to help you and....."
She started crying and tried to hug me and I stopped her and said, "I never trusted you! NEVER!" Then I left her classroom. I ran downstairs and I saw the school counselor and she was walking towards me and I ran outside from the office.
I started walking home crying and it was raining. I was going to call my mom to pick me up but she was still at work I didnt want her to worry about me. So I just started walking home.
I saw a car following behind me and the driver yelled out my name and it was Ms.____.
"Let me take you home!" She yelled.
I ran to her car and she drove off.
"You didn't have to follow me. I was fine".
"Don't lie to me! I'm sorry but I knew you were upset so I just wanted to make sure you get home safely".
The whole time we were quiet and I was telling her where to turn so she can drop me off by my house.
We were in front of my house and she held my arm and said, "I already told the school counselor. I know you're going to be upset with me, but I dont care. He hit you ______! I care about you, you know that right?"
"Yes I know".
"And everything that you have been through, I know you will get through this! Here's my number if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay".
She gave me a hug and I got out of her car and watched her drove off.
I started crying because I didn't know she cared about me that much.
I was wrong.
