I'm already in my junior year of high school and I still feel the same.
Never changed my look, my attitude and my bestfriend (well I don't know anymore) left from school.
I felt so different coming back to highschool my teacher, Ms._____ (who kept my secret), left the school. I was so sad that she left and so was she.
The last day of school my friends and I bought her gifts. My friend bought her Starbucks and made her cupcakes, my other friend made her a photo album and I took pictures of her and I and other students who were close to her, bought her flowers and a big stuffed Giraffe animal because she loves Giraffes.
She was crying and gave us all hugs. The security guards had to let the students out the school so the teachers can finish grading. But Ms.____ told me to stay while ny other friends left. She gave them hugs and that was it.
Ms._____ closed the door and looked at me for 10seconds. I was gonna go up to her and give her a hug but she was crying. She said, "I'm proud of you. I am".
"Why you say that?"
"Because of how you handle everything. Everything you went through, you handled it so well. Like a mature women that you have become".
"I don't think so Ms.____".
"Why you say that?"
I took a deep breath and said, "Do you remember a girl that I would always hang out with, my bestfriend, _____ ?"
"Of course! How is she? I haven't seen her in a while?"
I looked down and said, "Last thing I heard of her she was in a mental hospital.... I was shocked".
"How?! What happened?!"
I sat down and put my hand on my chest trying to breath and said, "She was threatening me. She wanted to push me down the stairs in school, stab me until I bleed out, and shoot me in the face. I don't know why she wanted to kill me Ms.____ I don't know what I did. I guess I wasn't a good friend to her".
Ms._____ sat down next to me, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Maybe she already had personal problems of her own and she put all the anger onto you. It's nobody's fault".
"She did have problems. Family problems. And I thought she was doing good, but I was wrong".
"Do you miss her?"
"I don't to be honest. I don't know what to think anymore".
She sighed and said, "I know this is difficult for you, but you have to put this behind you and just remember the good memories you two had in your friendship".
"Thank you".
I looked at the clock and it was getting late.
"I have to go. Goodbye". Putting my hand out waiting for a handshake.
"You know better". She put my hand down and gave me a tight hug. I started crying. Crying really loud that I couldn't believe she's not coming back to this school.
"I'm gonna miss you _______. I really am".
"Me too" still crying.
We just kept hugging each other for 5 minutes but it felt forever.
I let go and she gave me her email address and her phone number. And I left het classroom.
I was outside of the school and just looked and thought to myself, "Wow a lot of shit and drama that happened here!"
Start of junior year I went to her class and remembered that she doesn't teach here anymore. I started crying again. I miss her so much. I don't know who I can go to and talk.
I trusted her with all that's left in my heart and I miss her so much.
I should've told her to stay until I left highschool, but I didn't.
It's too late now.
