Lost in spells and shadows

Chapter 32: Learning how to pretend

It was the day that Adelaide was supposed to leave for her home, since it was the holiday, and she was to meet with Dumbledore before she went home. She was sorting through her clothes to see which one would make her seem more presentable and alright to anyone.

I need more than just a smile to seem alright. Adelaide thought as she looked at her reflection on the mirror, she was pale and her body looked very frail. It didn't help that due to her tall stature, she looked thinner and in an unhealthy way.

I need help. Adelaide thought as she felt her soulless eyes staring back at her. I have no idea what to do. Adelaide felt herself sinking away into oblivion but all she could do was to watch herself drown and disappear into nothingness. She felt herself getting smaller and smaller in her friends' lives. She felt that she had no right to tell them of her problems. She was too much of mess to deal with, she thought.

Adelaide was feeling more alone than ever, her usual companions being her shadow and Midnight. She sometimes with Remus and William and she would check on her sisters to see if they were alright (they were doing much better and always surrounded by their loved ones), but from all of her other friends they seemed to have given up on her, not bothering to tell her where they were and what they were doing. Lily and sometimes even Severus would ask for  her in this past month but they didn't know the extent that she was hurting. It's not their responsibility to know. Adelaide would tell herself again and again, she believed it, or thought that she believed it, but there was a stupid vulnerable part of her that was hating the loneliness.

At first she liked and thrived in the loneliness and solitude that she put herself through, but now the loneliness seemed suffocating. In the quiet depths of solitude, her heart was heavy with sorrow and navigated the vast expanse of emptiness, longing for the comforting embrace of companionship amidst the shadows of loss. She wanted to be with her friends, but hated how she couldn't be as happy as them. She hated not being able to be as carefree and talkative as they were, or as she was before everything. She loathed and was disgusted by herself for hating her friends for being happy.

Perhaps they deserve that happiness and i don't.

Adelaide put aside her thoughts and went through her clothes. She put her biggest fluffy pullover and long skirts that she had borrowed from Elizabeth. Her body was hidden by them and now she felt more confidence to lie through the meeting.

Adelaide walked to the office and saw Dumbledore in a simple but magnificent wizarding robe that was maroon and he looked very well. He looked at her and smiled: "Adelaide, how nice to see you again."

"Hello professor. I am happy to see you too." Adelaide thought as she felt herself smile for the first time that day. Smiling nowadays seemed foreign to her and she felt her cheeks stinging while she was smiling.

"I wanted to check on you to see how you were doing. I think i should have done it sooner but i decided to give you a little bit of space and time to see how you're doing. Let's start with your powers shall we? Now have you explored them further?"

Adelaide bashed herself for not thinking about an answer for this question before, she had thought of many answers for the questions that she thought he was going to ask, and stupidly enough, she had not thought about the most important question of all. She hadn't really practiced that year and doing regular magic and concentrating on a regular spell casted by a wand was hard enough and a chore for her and to use her body to produce some magic from her body? Impossible. She was too exhausted to do the bare minimum but this...

"Um, yeah, kind of." Adelaide replied awkwardly and continued: "Not that much, i was busy with my studies, i really ... d-didn't have much time to do that. I -i look forward exploring them after the holidays."