Hands | DNF

32.

"Is everything alright George?" Wilbur asked, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah I just needed to ask David something and I accidentally slammed the door." You say casually.

"You know you can tell us anything George. What really happened?" Asked Sapnap staring at me from top to bottom.

"I was annoying my brother so he wanted to throw a bit of water to make me stop, but the jug of water slipped from his hand. It is really not that deep. If you will excuse me I am freezing."

I go pass them and make my way to the bathroom. I close and lock the door behind me.During the entire interaction I didn't look at Clay once. I couldn't make myself, knowing that if I did I will break down.

I slide down the door and I start crying. It wasn't intense. My body didn't have the energy for that. I must have stayed that way for maybe five minutes before deciding to start the water and get to the shower. I took my clothes off still weeping. I hated myself for that. Why did I have to be such a baby?
I hated how I was basically crying over a text message, that was so stupid.

But then I heard the voice again.

Give yourself a reason to cry! You know you want it. Just do it this way you can get relief and stop being such a burden for everyone. You will never be first but maybe at best second in their minds and hearts. Just CUT that idea out of your head.

I open the sink drawer and reach at the back where there was a dental floss container. My best hiding place. I open it and get the razor blade I had hid there 3 weeks ago.

I knew that David will remember to check my arms so I decided to ruin the one place he would never find.
Tears blinding my vision, streaming down my face, while my shaking hand brings the blade to my upper thigh. I slowly cut one line and bite my tongue not to make a sound. Then I look at it. It was pathetic so small will it even leave a scar. I look down and slide the blade slowly while pressing down more. I felt the addicting relief that I get every time. Then I decided to make another cut. Pushing the blade even further.

SHIT

The other two cuts were bleeding normally this was deeper. I pressed toilet paper to stop the bleeding. It was a wide cut maybe even needing stitches. Yeah no, not possible. I feel the toilet paper kind go in the cut. I throw the paper in the toilet. And go in the hot shower stream. The white floor of the shower turning a bit red streaming from my leg. And the all so familiar stinging feeling. I bite down on my lip as to not make a sound.

I finish up and stop the water, stepping out of the shower. I grab sone toilet paper and press on the cuts. I had stopped crying at least. I open the drawer and get a bandage making sure to try my best to cover the deep cut. It was pulling on my skin since it kept it just a tab bit closed. I wrap muslin with a towel and clean the razor i. the sink then return it once again to the hiding spot.

I flush the bloody toilet paper. Grab my clothes and head to my room.