What Was Missing

Chapter 23 - Scarlett

Song: Vancouver 3 - Mac DeMarco

Feelings were never something I really had. Other than anger. Anger was the only feeling present in my heart for the longest time.

Annoyance was another. Everyone and everything seemed to annoy me for as long as I can remember. I got irritated by the smallest of things all the time.

Lately, I've laughed. I've smiled. I've felt... happy. And things that used to annoy me don't annoy me as much anymore. And I honestly don't mind.

"You seem to be in a good mood lately." Xio points out as we sit at the dining room table of her house. My parents were out of town again and I didn't feel like staying at that house alone so I came over to Xio's for the day. I've missed her and abue.

"Do I?" I question feigning to be clules. I know I seem happier than usual but it's not that drastic.

My mind drifts of to yesterday, the night I spent with Alex at the waterfall. My feelings were all over the place that night. Mother and Father had started looking for potential rich guys I could replace Justin with. Since I was stupid enough to let him go. My parents words not mine. Like, what do they think this is? They didn't even ask me if I was looking to be in a relationship again, they just handed me a list of names and told me to pick one or they would, like, what is wrong with them?!

Somehow Alex could read me like an open book and knew that I was anxious and overwhelmed that night. I know that he knew it had something to do with my parents, I mean it always does. When he asked what was wrong I knew he wasn't asking to be nosy. I knew it was because he wanted me to know that I could talk to him if I needed to. I really appreciated that but I didn't want to bother him with my family problems. Besides he helped me calm down. Oddly, being in his arms and having him hold me was... comforting. I've never felt that way before and I'm not sure what to make of it.

There was a moment where I felt my heart flutter being there with him. It's probably why I'm so happy. I'm just so happy that we're friends again.

"You sure do. You're not in love, are you?" Xio questions, playfully narrowing her eyes, resuming our conversation.

"Oh please Xio, no. I'm not in love, life has just been more fun lately." In love? And who would I be in love with.

"Right." She drags out the word with a small grin.

"Why are you talking about love? Maybe you've got someone in your life you want to tell me about, huh? I've seen how the guys you've trained look at you." It's true. They looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman on earth. I mean she had the curves, thick and long dark brown hair, beautiful hazel eyes, with beautiful long lashes and a tanned complexion. She was hot. What? I'm not afraid to admit it.

"Me? Oh stop that mija I'm too old to think about that."

"Hey, do not refer to the woman I love most in the world as old." I playfully warn making her smile. She's in her 30s that isn't old in my book.

"Alright sorry, not old. But either way I don't have time for love. With work and mamá, not that I'm blaming her, I'm just saying that's something that's never been in the cards for me and I've never thought about it anyway."

That was a lie. I always felt bad for Xio because she wasn't in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, she's a strong woman, independent and capable of taking care of herself but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to be loved romantically. And I've always known she's wanted someone even when she says she doesn't.

Since I was little, I don't ever remember her making an effort to seek love. But I could tell she yearned for it, even if it was just a little. We'd go to the park and she would watch couples together and families with their children. She seemed as though she longed for that and I so desperately wished that she would get it.