Always Running (MATURE CONTENT)

CHAPTER 10

 FEAR. It was everywhere around her. Nothing felt the same after making love to Lucas. He was amazing. He had made her feel more than she had ever felt in her life with anyone. He almost made her want to dream again...almost. She was afraid. She was terrified to the core she would lose this man that had come into her life by accident. She was afraid that he would wake up one day and realize that she was just not worth the trouble.

Nothing is at it seems! Her inner voice warned again. Her fear was ever present, and she wanted to just cut her loses and run. She wanted to deny what she felt for this...for this... stranger that made her more comfortable than anyone she had ever known before.

DISAPPOINTMENT. She knew that she would eventually disappoint Lucas and that made her stomach churn with worry. She was a mess. She was a running catastrophe waiting to ruin whatever came her way and Lucas did not deserve such a mess in his life. She was being selfish wanting to be with him because he made her feel safe.

Nessa sat on the couch in the living room staring at the roaring fire with her mouth somewhat open. She had been sitting there for the last few hours not understanding the myriad of emotions crashing her heart and her mind, and not believing that in such a short time, a man, who she had just met, had made her feel safer than her own mother had been able to do.

"I believe you're having an 'Oh Shit' moment," Lilian said. She sat down in the arm chair across from her.

Nessa looked at the warm faced woman and nodded her head yes. "I can't understand what's going on. I mean, I know what's going on... at least I thought I understood what was going on, but my head is a jumbled mess and my heart is panicking and I have no idea what to do and I think I'm just going to go get my—"

"Breathe in deep and let it out," Lilian said in a very soft and in a no-nonsense kind of way. "Now tell me what is troubling you."

Nessa breathed in and out and looked at the woman sitting across from her. She was just so beautiful and so delicate. This was the type of woman she wanted to be like. She wanted to be soft and delicate and not so rough around the edges ready to trample against anyone that threatened her.

"Okay, why don't I start then." Lilian moved from the arm chair next to Nessa and took her hand in her older yet still soft and delicate hands that had no age marks on them. She had to be in her late forties or her early fifties due to Lucas' age.

"I know that you have a million and one questions roaming around your head. I want to give you a little insight into Lucas' life so maybe you can understand him a bit more. I know he comes off as intense and too straight forward, but his heart is in the right place." Lilian began, and Nessa listened intently not wanting to miss anything the woman had to say, the only woman who knew Lucas better than anyone.

"I know what you're going through dear, I ran for a long time and I had a child in tow with me. I got pregnant with Lucas when I was seventeen and his father was a monster. His conception was not what you would call wanted. I was raped, and my parents kicked me out of the house because of the shame I would bring to the family." Lilian paused to let Nessa take all she had said in before continuing.

"Needless to say, I had a rough time. Lucas' father came after me and it was a holy mess for a long time. I got beaten and Lucas suffered many beatings and one day when he was fifteen he had had enough of his father subjecting him to watch how his mother was raped over and over again, he helped me escape once again and this time we were able to stay gone. It wasn't easy. Lucas had the worst time trying to put everything he was forced to witness behind him. He married Laney when he was twenty and took her child as his own. He tried to make it work but that woman was impossible to please. To make a long story short, Lucas divorced her ten years later and has never been with another woman since...then you came along."