Always Running (MATURE CONTENT)

CHAPTER 34

Lucas swirled the amber liquid in his glass and watched it as if it would reveal the secret to life. He hadn't heard Nessa walk inside. All he had done since she had left with Henley was think about everything that had happened in the last few months. He thought about the baby she lost, and it hurt him, it hurt him more thinking that she would decide to leave him and be with someone else. It terrified him to one day run into her swollen with another man's child growing inside of her. It haunted him to think that he would have to live that miserable life without the one thing that made it worthwhile. He couldn't live if he didn't have Nessa by his side.

"You look like shit, Mac." Nessa walked to the couch and sat down next to him.

"You and Henley get things squared away?"

"We did. He was and is a good friend. Nothing happened between me and him back then. He used to take care of me is all."

"That's what I used to do."

"It's what you still do and will keep on doing if that is what you want."

He looked away from his glass and set his tired and sad eyes on hers. "I know I screwed up, baby and I am so sorry, I—"

Nessa covered his mouth with her hand. "I want to tell you something and I want you to think about it and then tell me your answer."

Lucas nodded his head yes.

"I'm broken, and I don't know to what extent. I'm flawed, and I have many insecurities that drive me up a wall. I will mess up now and then and I need to know that you're not going to run to some other woman to deal with whatever it is you're feeling. I'm going to take a leap of faith and trust you, Mac. I can't promise I won't freak out now and then, I can however promise that I'll try not to run anymore...unless you betray my trust then all deals are off."

Lucas closed his eyes for a moment then looked at her with relief. "I went to Reagan not to have sex with her. I needed to unload the shit I was feeling after what Channing told me he had done to you. I was ashamed to come home to you knowing that because of me he had gotten to you. I was ashamed that I enjoyed it as the life slipped away from him as I choked it out of him. I was ashamed that I wasn't man enough to come home to you and tell you what I was feeling and trusting that you would stay by my side. I was afraid you would run from me when you saw the monster I really am."

The pain and shame in his eyes were the same that stared back at her every time she looked in the mirror. She knew a thing or two about monsters and Lucas was not even close to being one.

"We both have a lot of shit to deal with. I think that we can heal each other, Mac. I need you like I have never needed anyone in my life before. I want to make a life with you, and I want a baby, with you. I want that happily ever after that all the movies talk about, no matter how screwed up our happily ever after might be, but it will be ours."

Lucas set his glass on the coffee table and took Nessa in his arms. "No more running, sweetheart. No more secrets, no more holding back, okay. I need you like I need the air to breathe."

* * *

It took Nessa and Lucas a few days to go back to normal again. Things had been very intense between them for so long that Nessa needed a break and so did Lucas. They had to get to know each other. They had to spend time with each other and just be together. No sex, no foreplay, nothing sexual just hugging. Nessa needed that connection that only came when two souls joined outside the physical realm.

NORMAL. Nessa knew that her life and Lucas' life had been anything but normal and they would most likely be screwed up for quite some time, but they would at least be together.