Always Running (MATURE CONTENT)

CHAPTER 20

Nessa woke up the next morning disoriented. She searched the room with wild eyes and didn't find Lucas. She wanted Lucas.

"Hi darling." Lilian's voice was soft. She sat at the end of the bed waiting for Nessa to focus on her. "How do you feel?"

Nessa pushed her body to the back of the bed clutching the sheet to her chest. "Where's Lucas? Why isn't he here? He's always here? Did something happen? Why does my head hurt?"

Lilian didn't move knowing that it could send Nessa into a panic attack. "Lucas is away on business and he's fine. You had a visit from Laney yesterday and—"

"Oh shit, I choked her and threatened her." Nessa cut Lilian off and covered her face with her hands.

"It's fine darling, relax. It was about time someone put that woman in her place."

No, it wasn't fine. She had threatened a woman and her child. Nessa felt like she was losing control. She was feeling things she had no control over and that was terrifying her.

CONTROL. It had been the one thing that Justin had not been able to take away from her. He had taken her self-worth, her dignity and most of her sanity; he had not taken her control. She had survived him with the control she had. She had lived on the run for seven long and lonely years because of her control and now she felt like she was losing it. What was she without control? How could she manage what came her way if she had no control? How could she feel sane again if she had no control over her emotions?

Laney had made her so angry she had wanted to kill her right there. She had wanted to feel the life running out of her body and it had given her the control she so desperately wanted to gain back. Threatening the life of another and knowing that she had the power to follow through with it had made her feel more in control than she had felt since she met Lucas.

QUESTIONS. He made her vulnerable and she hated that. She hadn't been vulnerable in seven years and now she couldn't function properly unless he was by her side. Why? The question she never bothered with was now plaguing her mind over and over again. Why did Lucas make her vulnerable? Why did she care if Lucas looked at other women? Why did it bother her to think that Lucas could be with another woman? Did she care for Lucas as a man or as the person that offered her safety? Was she falling in love with him or what he could offer her? So many questions and not many answers were making her lose control all over again. She had to get her control back.

"I need to talk to Lucas," Nessa said. She left the bed and went to her phone on the dresser.

"When you're ready, I'm here for you, honey." Lilian knew that Nessa needed to unload before whatever she was feeling weighed her down more than she could handle.

The phone rang three times before Lucas answered. "Baby, how are you?" His voice was like a balm to Nessa's tortured soul.

"I think I may have threatened Laney and your daughter," she confessed. There was no point in hiding anything when he would find out anyway.

"I heard, are you alright?"

"You're not angry with me?"

Lucas remained silent for much too long making Nessa nervous. "I could never be angry with you, love, I do however think that threatening to send my daughter to work at a strip club was a bit much."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, I just..."

"Don't worry about a thing, I understand. We need to talk when I get back home. I'm in a meeting now, but I'll be back soon."

The line went dead. Nessa didn't know what to make of the phone call. He wasn't upset but he was much too distant with her.

She had threatened his daughter, so that could have something to do with it.

CONNIE. The situation with her sister had triggered her lapse in judgement. She had been betrayed. She was hurt. She felt murderous towards her own flesh and blood. Something had broken inside of her the moment she realized that it had been her sister who had betrayed her. She saw with her own eyes what Justin had done to her, and yet she felt the need to betray her. Nessa was outraged. She wanted revenge, and yet she felt horrible for wanting it against her sister. Had she become a monster as well? Had Justin's evil seeped into her somehow? Perhaps she had been born that way and that was the reason that she attracted such a horrible man into her life. She needed answers and the only person who truly knew what she had gone through was Lilian. Nessa showered and dressed in a light pink sun dress and decided to go barefoot. She was feeling safer knowing that she had three personal guards watching out for her. She made her way down and found Maggie standing by the front door. Blake stood by the living room entrance and Ryder was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Ryder?"

"He's making sure the perimeter around the house is safe," Blake said.

"And Lilian?"

"One of her guards accompanied her on her daily walk around the estate," Maggie answered.

"Do you need anything Mrs. McAllister?" Blake was ready to assist her.

"It's Nessa," she said. It shouldn't bother her that they thought Lucas was her husband, but it did, and she had no idea why. She was probably still bothered about Laney's visit and the distant manner in which Lucas spoke to her not too long ago. She excused herself and made her way back to Lucas' office. She closed and locked the door. It was time she found out who Lucas really was. She began to go through his desk drawers and came across all sorts of things about his businesses, which were many. He owned restaurants and night clubs and strip clubs. He owned properties and three of the fanciest hotels in Harbor City alone. He had a chain of dry cleaning businesses all over the country and a car rental chain as well.

"Planes?" she asked herself. "He owns planes?" Nessa put the information back where she had found it. She searched the filing cabinet and only found financial papers on his businesses and nothing more of interest. Just as she was about to give up she decided to look in the bookcase for anything that might call out to her.

Lucas had a great variety of literature books and fiction and law books and even medical books, but that was not what caught her eye. A thin file folder wedged between Shakespeare's greatest works and a medical book had caught her eye. Lucas obviously thought no one would look for it there. Nessa had absolutely no qualms about retrieving the folder. She opened it and nearly dropped it when she saw what was inside.

"Please, no," she begged as she looked at the photos of herself. She was still with Justin at the time the pictures had been taken. There were even pictures of Connie and her. She gasped when she saw a simple piece of paper with her birth name on it. Lucas knew who she was all along. He had known all that time. What else did he know? Oh God. Did he know everything Justin had made her do? Everything that he had done to her?

Tears began to fill her eyes. She wiped them away feeling violated by the man she thought was different. She placed the folder back where she had found it and tried to get a hold of herself. She needed to think and not panic. Nothing is as it seems! That damned voice again. Nessa grabbed her head and screamed internally. She wailed and screamed in her mind. Not again, she thought. She began to pace and tap her forehead. She needed to leave. She needed to get as far away from Lucas as possible. He had lied to her. He had tricked her. Had lured her. He had known who she was all along.