Paper Flowers

3. Megha

It's been twelve days since Baba's death. As per Hindu mythology, it takes a soul twelve days to finish its journey with its loved ones and on the thirteenth day it leaves for its final abode. Twelve days of mourning ritual is a must.

Today is the last ritual. Last day of people coming and going and giving that sympathetic look. Last day of people whispering, 'What would happen to this girl after her father?'

It's bizarre to hear the gossip of everyone pretending to worry while you are mourning the greatest loss of your life.

But at the same time, it was so nice to see that Baba had touched so many hearts. He was a retired police officer for a decade but his entire team was present on their toes from the moment they heard the news. Even his juniors were present, and so were his superiors. The soldier and his brother were there like shadows.

Mom once told me, "As ironic as it sounds, when someone passes away, the first few weeks are a cakewalk. People visit, talk about their fond memories, support you in your loss, and some even give you a shoulder to cry on, but the real struggle begins when everyone leaves and you are just left with the memories of your loved one in an empty house. That emptiness holds the power to haunt you."

"But to be very honest, nothing haunts me right now. Maybe because I am used to this." I said to myself as I sat on my bed.

"Or maybe because you haven't cried. Megha, you really need to let it out." Ishika said, taking a seat beside me.

"For the nth time Ishika, I am okay."

I was okay. I am neither in denial nor in delusion. Even though I wish that the whole marriage thing was a delusion. I know crying is important and the ten-year-old me would have sobbed her heart out. But whatever happened in the hospital, whatever terms and conditions that have been laid, my brain was still processing that. I feel emotionally exhausted. Maybe more than crying, I need a good sleep. But before that, I needed to take this major decision. I had promised Agastya I would let him know my thoughts after all the rituals.

"Megha, I am talking to you." Ishika shook me.

"Sorry, what?"

"What have you decided?"

"I don't know, Ishika. Marriage is a serious responsibility. It's not fun and games to be done just like that. Never in my dreams have I thought about marrying. All I ever wanted was a good job that paid well, helping Baba with the responsibility, having my own house and being independent. Taking care of a man was never on my to-do list."

I got up from the bed and started pacing in my room.

"Can I be honest?" Ishika asked, crossing her legs.

"Please."

"Agastya doesn't look bad."

I rolled my eyes at her.