HIRANG

13: Drama

I heard a loud flapping of wings, possibly Pula. Later, upon hearing the door opening, I promptly shut my eyes to pretend to be asleep. Nunong Haikuri had already returned.
 
I still didn't feel like conversing with her, so I kept up the pretense of being asleep. After a while, I sensed her drawing near.
 
" Neazhoi"
 
I didn't answer.
 
"I know you are awake. Get up and have a meal with me. You have not been eating properly lately. If you persist with your stubbornness, it will only make your return to your world more impossible," she remarked.
 
Her words caught my attention. Nunong Haikuri had been silent regarding portals or the events of the previous month. I opened my eyes and internally scoffed at her statement. She was seated on her small chair, eating.
 
"Tss, stating the obvious, Nunong Haikuri." I gaze at her coldly."The cave's hole has been sealed shut," I stated monotonously. It means the portal has completely closed.
 
She gazed back at me. Her poker face hasn't changed since then.
 
“Even if the tiny hole in the cave closes, it will reopen when the portal does—”
 
"—When? I'm tired of waiting." I interrupted what she was saying. 
 
Days had passed, yet the portal remained shut. I visited the cave daily, hoping for a miracle, but nothing happened. Each day, I gazed up at the cave, watching its hole close gradually. And each time I witness that happen, it also kills my hope and determination to return home.

I'm trying.

I truly am trying to hold onto the belief that something might change.

I'm trying to have hope for every day that comes. I've been trying from the very start, but I'm also getting tired. Even now, I want to quit visiting that cave and hoping to open the portal, but there's always a what-if lingering in my mind.
 
What if the portal suddenly reopens? What if it happens when I'm not there? What if I miss my chance to return home?
 
But now, seeing that the gap has closed completely, I am unsure whether I should keep hoping for something.
 
"Neazhoi, will you please? Stop going back and forth to the cave. You have been not on yourself always and crying in that dark place every day. Come, dine here," she extended another invitation to me.
 
I got up from lying down and looked at her.
"What exactly do you want me to do?" I asked with a furrowed brow. "Stay here and forget my world? No. I would never do that," I declared.
 
Once again, that familiar weight settled in my chest. The emotions that never fail to haunt me whenever thoughts of my world and my father surface.
 
She let out a deep sigh. "Perhaps this is truly your fate. I am saddened by what occurred, but weeping every day and subjecting yourself to suffering in that cave will not change anything. Show some compassion for yourself, Neazhoi," she advised in a serious tone.
 
"Compassion?" I scoffed sarcastically.

"As far as I am aware, it is my fault that I am here. If I had not departed from the palace, I would not have found myself in the woods. I would not have stumbled into the cave, and I would not have..." I halted as a painful memory crossed my mind, finding it difficult to articulate. I clenched my fist.
 
"trapped here." Nunong Haikuri finished my sentence. I averted my gaze to avoid her question. 
 
Trapped.
 
It feels more like a curse to me.
 
I sensed her drawing near where I was seated. She maintained a stern expression, holding her cane and standing next to me. I looked up slightly since I was sitting and she was standing, making her seem a bit taller.

"Ouch!" I grasped the back of my head, wondering why she suddenly hit me.

"What's the reason for that?" I could feel a slight throb of pain in my head.
 
"You really are a fool."

Her comment made me slightly confused. I furrowed my brows at her words. Me? Stupid?
 
"Listen, Neazhoi. You bore no responsibility in the matter. You were unaware. What happened was beyond your control. That is why you were in this place. Stop blaming yourself. Imagine if your father were present to witness your situation now. Surely, he would not wish to see his beloved daughter suffering and hurting herself. Do you understand?" I remained silent throughout her discourse.
 
"What happened was unexpected. Your actions were blameless. Will you let yourself linger in this plight and torture yourself to such hatred? Remember, you are of 'royal blood'." she emphasizes that word.