She Makes Me - A Brian May Fan Fiction

Chapter 13: The Other Scientist

[Simone]

I couldn't shake off the feeling that I'd somehow wronged Brian. I don't even know what it is that suddenly made me feel that way. But it has always been the same for me—to flee, to escape, to avoid. The more I dwell on things without pause, the more I seem to exacerbate the situation.

This morning, I woke up to find myself nestled on Brian's mattress beside Freddie, while Brian himself slept on the couch. I couldn't recall anything after our kiss—just a swirl of thoughts (well, overthinking) about my "kissing proficiency", after being basically a desert for two years, before snuggling into Brian's neck. I might have just drifted off right after that.

But seeing him on the couch sparked fresh anxiety. Was he truly sober? Did he kiss me out of genuine desire, or was it merely the influence of alcohol? At that moment, I couldn't discern which worry troubled me more.

In a state of panic, I made the impromptu decision to leave with Freddie, offering no explanation other than the vague need to return home. Fortunately, Roger was actually so kind enough to go out of his way to drive us home. He didn't speak through the entire ride, though.

By lunchtime, Freddie had departed again to rendezvous with the band. It seemed they'd impulsively decided to rent a house after Roger's mother voiced her complaints about the noise. Also, Freddie had managed to successfully borrow Matt's Volkswagen Microbus and told Alex I'd be there for their upcoming trip to London—a decision made impulsively again. Apparently, Brian had been attempting to arrange gigs for them for over a week, only receiving confirmation the day prior to their Red Cross performance. Alex was very keen on me going out and having fun like always.

Reflecting on recent events, I've come to understand the subtle yet persistent nudges from Mum and Alex, urging me not to sacrifice my own ambitions and "social life" for the sake of staying home. It dawned on me that perhaps my internal anxieties about being in London instead of here stemmed from a deep-seated fear of what could happen to Mum in my absence, influenced by the grim realities I encountered during my internships in college. Even now, Alex reassures me that she can handle Mum and Bea without my constant presence, encouraging me to pursue my own dreams and desires.

"You know, I never pressured you to come back home," Alex remarked as she was gathering apples from our garden. "It's just that... it seemed like you wanted to be here so badly because of Mum. But really, if there's something you want to do and you keep worrying about how I'll manage, just go for it."

She paused, setting aside the basket of apples to address me directly. "Don't get me wrong, though. I've missed you a lot, and I'm grateful for everything you've done, especially helping with Mum's medical expenses."

As I raked leaves, her words sank in. "But you're only twenty-two, Simone, and I'm thirty. You have your whole life ahead of you. This was my choice—to be a stay-at-home mum. I enjoy keeping busy, otherwise I'd go stir-crazy. You know me," she chuckled.

"Yeah, I remember when your idea of fun was vacuuming," I chuckled in return.

"I had no other talents like you do, what can I say?" she said, smiling and shaking her head.

"Of course, you do! Besides your natural motherly instincts and culinary skills, you're an exceptional dancer. I used to envy your grace during those dance practices back in school. If I dared to dance now, I'd probably send you into a coma," We both chuckled at the thought. "You're also extremely intelligent too. I know you're aware of that. I often wonder what might have happened if you'd pursued your master's in chemistry."

Alex had indeed excelled academically, earning her bachelor's with honours in chemistry eight years ago in London. She had plans to pursue her master's before becoming pregnant with Beatrice. However, during her maternity break, she discovered a newfound passion for being a stay-at-home mum, especially since Matthew's income had increased around that time.