ARRANGED BY DESTINY [CHOI SEUNGCHEOL]

CH: 24

Nishita

I almost couldn’t breathe but then I heard my name and barely turned around and saw him coming towards me, “Nishi” It was hard for me to process anything, “Nishi my god” he knelt down on his knees and suddenly held my hands, “take deep breaths” I was looking at him confused, he was caressing my hands softly, but the touch was almost as if I couldn’t feel anything anymore. And then I realized I was getting a panic attack. “Nishi look at me” I couldn’t focus anywhere, “Nishi, look at me. it’s okay.” I tried, I tried to look at him but the panic rose, his face reminded me why I was worrying about everything; I couldn’t figure out anything. I closed my eyes and felt him holding my hand securely. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about anything” I took a deep breath to calm myself down; I wanted to distract myself “Nishi don’t think about anything” I wanted to focus on something but my mind wasn’t working, “Nishi, look at me please” I could feel he was requesting, I opened my eyes slowly and tried looking at him, “Focus on me” his voice was soft, and I couldn’t hear anything else, it was just his voice. “Now, take breaths with my counting, okay?” I slowly took breaths, and with his counting. It was working, I was slowly feeling better.

After some time, Seungcheol said, “Good” and he looked at me, I was feeling helpless, the way he saw me getting a panic attack, I was unable to explain how I was feeling, I felt exposed and naked. The thought of someone seeing me at my lowest always made me feel vulnerable; the way I always felt like no one was allowed to see my weak point because, at the end of the day, people would just normalize it and make fun of it. Mom always says never cry infront of anyone and never show any weakness to others and I just let him see one of my weakest points. Only Noor and one more person saw me having panic attacks and just like my mom said, he made everything a laughing stock.

Noor was the only one who never made fun of me and always stayed by my side whenever I was at my lowest and that’s why she is ‘home’

I was so absent-minded that I almost didn’t see Seungcheol holding a glass of water. “Nishi” he was standing and suddenly bent down to my height; he took my hands and made me hold the glass of water. “drink this, you will feel better” I was still lost somewhere, “Nishi” his voice sounded like a hushed sound to my ears, to my awareness, he was still holding my hands, which were holding the glass. “Drink this” and he didn’t let me think another second. He made me drink water, and I took one sip and pushed back the glass as soon as I realized

“Nishita!! What blunder did you do??”
- that I was supposed to be fasting.

I snapped my mind because I already did it and Seungcheol’s bua was standing just infront of the room. I was in shock because I had no idea, how did I forget this and she was standing beside Seungcheol. I slowly got up unable to say anything because I knew I did a mistake that couldn’t be forgiven and I just fell infront of my eyes. “Bua-

Seungcheol’s words were cut off by her words, “In our times, we used to do whatever our elders told us to do, and that’s why our marriages are still long-lived and today’s children just want to do whatever they want, there’s no point and respect of anything, let it be a ritual or something you’re supposed to do or something your elders want you to do.”

I was about to speak, I was about to apologize to her because I knew I just made a deadly mistake, I was supposed to keep the fast till I got married and I would break my fast with Seungcheol after the wedding. “Do you know why kids nowadays can’t even preserve or protect their own marriage? Because they don’t even listen to anyone and just do whatever they want.” I took a deep breath. I was genuinely feeling guilty because I really had no idea what was happening to me a few minutes ago.