ALL BACK (LIFE ITSELF THE SEQUEL there & back again)

CHAPTER 43: I REMEMBER WHEN!!

DEANNA

We must have laid in the bed for a while cause I turned over and he was sleeping I sat there and watched him sleep and I couldn't deny why we was here yes we was having fun but if he would have dealt with his own fucking issues we wouldn't be here right now, and I he just wanna get better that's all I wanna him to do is get better for his fans and for his family and most of all for him!! And think me being with him is really stopping him from him getting any better there are times I lay here and watch him sleep and think of the evil things he's done to me in the 6 years we've been together.

There is one time I can remember he came home from some club, and he was very drunk. I heard his phone go off, and walked over to it to see who texted him... Dumb right... I shouldn't have, but I had to know. Sure enough it was girl named Sandra. I tried to control myself because I didn't want to start something. I couldn't control myself I woke him up, and started yelling and yelling. He was pretty out of it, but wasn't going to stop. I yelled for a while, and then I when I was done I set his phone down on his nightstand. I told him it was over after all of this I was done. I turned around to walk away, and then he grabbed my hair, pushed me down to the ground and started punching me in the back of my head. He wouldn't stop, and the pain was nothing like I felt before. I was screaming, but he wouldn't stop. Then finally I got up, and I was so dizzy I ran to the bathroom. He came after me, and I was down on the ground again bleeding. I looked up at him, and he said ^now you can get stitches bitch.^ I was bleeding badly and my bathroom looked like a crime scene. I had at least 12 gashes on the back of my head, my arm was broken, and my thumb. One of the twins woke up after the attack, and didn't know what to do because I went into mom mode. I put a towel on my head so I could maybe stop the bleeding, and went to their room. I got him back to sleep, and my head was still bleeding really badly, knew I was not in good shape. I knew I needed stitches I just wanted the pain to stop, how could he do this to me. I had to fix myself so I took the most painful shower, and washed out all the blood. I remember seeing all the blood going down the drain, and telling myself you have to leave.

I didn't call the police which I will live with that regret for the rest of my life. I took a pain pill, and tried to rest. I thanked God that night over and over. I told him thank you for making him stop, I thought I was going to die. I really did! I really thought my boys was going to find my body. I had lost a ton of blood, and I knew it wasn't good not to get medical attention me being who I was and him being who he was, wasn't going to look right at all.

I cant believe what I been thru with him I love him so much but sometimes loving someone just isn't enough you know you can want that person to change but if they don't want it or if they don't know how then what's the point, I try my best to keep the memories from popping up in my head but it doesn't work at all they keep coming.

I also remember when He would degrade me in front of our friends, make fun of me, and make me feel worthless. I remember one night the boys was in the living room playing and he got mad at me. He was punching holes in our walls. He was harassing me about not being pregnant again yet, going to clubs, and he started doing worse things to my belongings. He ripped up my father's picture, threw my phone in the toilet, threw my clothes in the trash. It kept getting worse, and worse. I had no idea my nightmare was about to come true. Then one time he came after me with a bat. In front of our boys he didn't hit me, but that fear was back. It was worse than the last time, and I started to fear for their safety.