My Teen Living | tøp

Poem

Josh's POV

What are you guys working on?" Jenna asks on our Instagram call. It's been a week since we had that talk and no one has said anything about it after. I was nervous to bring it up.

"This stupid math homework," groaned Tyler as he slightly slammed his hand on his desk. Debby decided not to do her homework so she was just watching TV.

"I have to write a poem for English," I sighed.

"What about?" Asked Debby.

"Anything, it just has to be meaningful," I replied as I looked at my laptop.

"Well, what's meaningful to you?" Jenna asked.

"Write about you fell inlove inlove with Debby," teased Tyler.

"Guys, quit it," Debby made a face while laughing.

"Ill write about love," I twitched at the thought of it, "maybe not about us but about love,"

I thought for a while.

cry
cry for an hour
cry for a day
cry for a week, a month
cry until you can't cry not anymore
cry until the tears don't fall out anymore
cry until you feel better
cry until you heal
they say 'crying is your body releasing sadness
let it out and let go

I erased it.

"Yeah, I don't know.." I looked back on my screen seeing Jenna eating food, Debby still watching the TV and Tyler eyes glued to his IPad screen for math.

"Guys help me out," I whined.

"Okay, how about..." Jenna began.

"Like.." Debby whispered but didn't finish.

"It will hurt now, in a month it will hurt but in 3 months it will start not hurt as much, but maybe the hurt won't stop, but with time you will learn to live with the hurt," Jenna finished.

"I like it," Tyler wrote a math equation on his notebook.

"Alright," I typed it out and sent it to my teacher.

                                           |-/

It was the next day in English class. The teacher was going through the documents we sent here I suppose. I didn't have any of my friends in that class so I was quiet.

"Before we start today's lesson, I've read your guys' poems and I am really impressed by what you guys have created. You guys know by the the end of the year we all have to create a speech that is powerful and strong and creative, this is a good start," she smiled.

December or January, all the juniors would write a speech about whatever they feel is a deep or a meaningful speech and the teachers will choose one kid out of their class and they read it out loud in front of some students and teachers. Though as much as I wished my teacher could and would choose me, I would hate to speak.

The class ended after and I was getting all my stuff ready to dip. But my teacher called me over to her desk.

"I'm really interested in your poem," she smiled at me, "may I ask, what inspired you to write it?"

"Well..." I began, I couldn't just say that another student gave me it and I didn't write it at all, "to have hope," I simply spoke.

She smiled sweetly, "I think it's very beautiful and deep, if you write like this for your speech... I think I would choose you,"

"Really?" My voice quivered a bit.

"Absolutely! They are such a beautiful meaning towards it,"

"Well thank you," I walked out of the classroom, gosh I hated talking to teachers. I can't ever be that confident to speak infront of kids and adults. Something would have to force me or give me enough motivation at actually do it.

It was lunch time, but me and my friends don't hang in the cafeteria. We find it gross. We get the school food and sat outside of where the PE class is, there is a hill up top with trees surrounding everything. We sit there.

"Are we going to do it.?" Jenna whispered to us.

"I will...if you guys do.. I can't live without you all," Debby whispered as well just in case someone was around.

"I want too," Tyler spoke taking a bite out of his burrito.

I sigh, "yeah, let's do it,"

I'm not sure what I wanted, I don't know if I want to die or live. Life is pretty meaningless, but it's has meaning. I wanted to live but I didn't. I found life boring, I had no benefit. Like what can I do after my goal? I go to school, get a job, marry Debby, do my  dreams on whatever I want to do, but then what? Just keep going and see where it takes me? It doesn't sound right to me for a reason that I can't even explain to myself.

It doesn't make sense.

it doesn't.

This whole thing doesn't make sense to me

But like Tyler said, you can never understand how truly important someone's feelings is for sure.

"Let's do a bucket list to do before we do it," Tyler said.

Are we actually going to kill ourselves?

I was still dozing off but I heard the girls agreeing.

Hmm, I thought, if I do get picked to speak out loud, maybe I'll talk about this topic.

a/n im trying to get back into writing this book  asap! sorry it's super duper short but I just wanted to get a chapter out :3 please check out my new book "Afar"