My Teen Living | tøp

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Debbys POV:

I cant help but feel trapped. I feel trapped inside of my own body. I feel so trapped that I can't bare the things inside of me makes me a human. I simply do not own it. I don't know myself. I can't be myself without killing myself. Jenna is right. I could be perfect. I could've had the perfect life. But I can't.

I want to run. I want to run away. But will my problems leave? Or will they become worse than they already are.

I feel pressure in my flesh. I am my own body. Who am I in my skin? I don't know the person I am anymore. I can't be happy. My death date waiting patiently to come will I sit here suffering every moment. Every day and night. Every second and hour. Same thing over again.

It flows right through me. My thoughts cannot process without the complete shame I will feel inside of me.

Can I be normal? Can this all go away? The pain I will forever feel. The pain that will always linger inside of me. Skin and bones is all what they see.

I'm just skin and bones.

It seeps out of me, the liquid inside of my stomach. But I can't help myself. I cant possibly put a stop. It's become an obsession that I can't stop.

I know I can stop. Why can't I stop. I wish to stop.

I cough. I cry. Why can't I stop? Why can't I just stop?

I look at myself in the mirror. Is that who I really am? I am me. I don't wanna be me. I want my person. I want my body. I can't be me anymore. All under this skin.

I touch my body, I touch my skin. I look at my belly. I squeeze the flesh on me. I can't help but see all my tears fall down. I can't witness myself anymore.

"Your dinner is ready, Debby!" My mommy yelled.

I put my clothes on and walked downstairs.

"Can you stop being on your phone for once?" My dad looked at me.

I didn't say anything I just put it down.

"You know..your friend, Jenna.." my dad put his finger to his mouth trying not to talk with his mouth open.

"She doesn't go on her phone while she's with her parents does she?" my dad said.

"Why do you always compare me to her?" I said.

"I do what?" He questioned.

"Compare me, why do you always compare me, it's always with Jenna," I said.

"No, he doesn't, that's not what he meant," my mommy chimed in.

"Who's that friend... uh Josh?" My dad said.

"My boyfriend?" I corrected him.

He cleared his throat, "yeah him,"

"You always compare me to everyone," I looked at my food.

"God, Debby eat you god damn food. Do you want me to grab a spoon and feed it to you like a 4 year old?" My mommy said in a stern voice.

"Am I not important anymore?" I didn't look up.

"Your dad doesn't know what he's talking about," my mommy said.

"She's overthinking it," my dad ate his food.

"Can't you see you made her feel bad about herself?" my mommy narrowed her eyebrows.

"Huh? I didnt do anything?" My dad said.

"You always compare me to Jenna. Her grades, how she was in advanced math last year, how she knows 2 languages, how she is smarter than me and that I need to look up to her," I say.

"Just a good example for you, honey," my mommy said.

"I'm not comparing," my dad kept saying.

"Yes you are," I said.

"Oh okay okay, I'm sorry I'm sorry," he said mockingly eating his chicken.

"I'm not hungry anymore," I got up from my seat.

"Stop acting like that," my mommy said.

"I'm not acting like anything," I replied.

"Is something happening that you don't want to tell me?" My mommy said.

"Hey hey hey, set your phone down for one second," my dad said.

"Your ruining yourself if you keep doing that," my mommy says.

Whatever.

I go upstairs. It's blue hour about to turn dark. I open my window. I climb out and sit on my roof. I look up. I catch the cool air as the Wind past me through my nose. I breathe in and out.

I can't help but feel like I'm trapped. Inside of a cycle. My body? My life? I don't know why I feel this way. I don't understand this feeling or what this is. Maybe it could all stop.

It could stop.

I wanna go. I wanna leave. I don't want to be here anymore. Physically mentally emotionally and verbally.

I hate myself so much.