Nothing else to lose.

fifteen.

Karen arrived at home from her trip and she was exhausted from everything , tomorrow was Sunday and she contemplated going to church... her church , the one she was once first lady at. She didn't want to deal with all the questions and whispers but she really missed her church, she hasn't been since before she moved to New York.

Her luggage was all she had from the shopping she did with Tamela's money and the presents she gave her. At first she didn't want to take them but Tamela insisted when they kept on arguing and arguing. Their argument continued and she wished that she hadn't said some things that she said but it was too late. The words had already been said, she felt about how she treated things but she didn't want to be a part of that anymore, she didn't want to be gay... even for Tamela who she knew deep down she loved.

Getting inside church all eyes were on Karen once again. People were looking at her and starring back to each other to whisper something , it didn't phase her because she knew it would be like that. Karen took a sit along with the members of the church in the congregation she wasn't sure where to sit because she wasn't the first lady anymore, but not only that she's been out of touch for 9 months.

She felt uncomfortable though because there was this man who kept starring at her awfully too much for someone who would just be admiring and she tried to shrug it off.

Once church was almost over they had to go over the announcements and she heard the first lady being called over for the announcement.

Karen's heart almost got ripped out of her when she saw the woman who stood and made the announcements... it was Kenzie, the woman that Drew was dating when she was pregnant.

They had gotten married. 'It probably happened immediately after the papers' Karen thought to herself, she didn't even hear anything that was said during the announcements she was just hurt... Drew had gotten married and it wasn't her, she didn't want Drew back of course but it just hurt to her.

"KAREN!!" Dorinda said as she was hugging her baby sister who she hasn't seen in two months. They all gathered together as a family like they usually do after talking to the other members.

"Hi Doe Doe . " Karen said smiling.

"Girl where have you been??"

"Don't you ever do that to us. " Dorinda said hitting Karen's arm in front of everyone.

Kierra, J Drew, Jacky and Twinkie all hugged Karen after that gathering around her waiting for her to explain herself.

"I missed ya'll" Karen said.

"Girl clearly not, you look really good all happy and cheery. " Jacky said.

"I am okay Jacky " Karen said smiling shyly.

"I told ya'll I'm okay. "

"Yea... with a text. " J Drew said.

"And just a video. " Twinkie added.

"Yes mommy, that wasn't cool. " Kierra said.

"Where were you?"

"Let's have lunch ya'll so we can all catch-up.  " Karen said.

"Girl you know I missed your smile, that always cheers me up. " Twinkie said walking arm to arm with her little sister.

"Hey Karen." A deep voice from behind said and Karen quickly turned her head.

"Hi Bishop , I loved your message today." Karen said genuinely smiling.

"Thank you uh... you look great, we haven't seen you in a while. " Drew said.

"Yes yes, thank you. Congratulations on your marriage. " Karen said and everyone looked at the two's exchange and thought it was quiet awkward.

Karen was wearing her diamond ring that Tamela got for her as a promise for her birthday, it was for a promise that Tamela will always take care of her and love her. Even though their relationship didn't have a title , she still made promises to her that lovers would.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry Karen... about what happened with your son, I didn't mean to' " Drew said and Karen cut him off.

"It's okay Drew, I don't blame you for my son's death... " Karen told him.

"I really am sorry. " He said and Karen just nodded

"It really is okay." Karen said and she walked away. She looked good, and walking away she had a walk that radiated confidence and she strutted her hips .

Drew looked over his ex-wife and he had to admit that seeing her again did something to him. He knew it was wrong to think that because he was a married man but Karen had always had his heart, even if she hurt him , he always loved her she was made for him.

Karen had lunch with her sisters, nieces and nephews and her kids. She felt the warmth and happiness of her family, they were crazy with their loudness and making silly comments and actions around each other. 'It was nice' she thought to herself but she couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

"You've been having sex!" Dorinda said while pointing at Karen when they were in her car giving Karen a ride home cause she didn't fetch her car yet.

"What? " Karen asked.

"You have , it's all over your face and body... you're different Kare " Dorinda said .

"Am not... I just, I feel a bit sexier since I lost the baby weight. " Karen said lying her face off.

"Karen now you know that's a lie. "

"Who's been sexing you making you stay away from us for two whole months? " Dorinda asked.

"No one . " Karen whined. She didn't know how her family would react to her falling into temptation with a woman. She knew they weren't homophobic but homophobia truly comes out when one of your own is gay, that's when you can truly tell so she wasn't sure if she should tell them but even then... it was over anyway.

"Now I know you lying Karen you said your car wasn't at your house. " Dorinda said seeing Karen's car in her driveway .

"It wasn't , I guess they just brought my things back. " Karen said.

"Who? Who are they?" Doe asked and Karen rolled her eyes at her meddling sister.

"Who gave you the ring? " Dorinda asked again.

"Why can't I buy this for myself?" Karen asked in her raspy voice .

"Karen that looks way too expensive to be a self gifted gift. " Dorinda said.

"There's no such thing. " Karen said laughing and then got out of Doe's car.

"Bye sister... I love you!" Karen said.

"I'll see you later Karen but we have to meet just us to talk about who's been sexing you and gifting you stuff. " Dorinda said and Karen smiled walking into the house.

Once Doe left and Karen changed into comfortable clothes , she got out and opened her car taking things that she left at Tamela's house out and all. She had a lot of stuff and was grateful that Tamela was kind enough to bring them back .

When she unpacked the things she saw that diamond necklace Tamela bought that led to her first time being pleased by her. She smiled and she began to cry, it was like she was caught up in the spirit of pleasing the flesh and God's way.

She honestly loved Tamela, she loved her so much too soon and unexpected since she didn't know that she was capable of loving a woman.

She took out her phone and looked at the photos that they took during their time together and she cried some more. 'Would it really be a bad thing if I was with a woman?' she thought to herself.  She wanted to be with her but she was with her beliefs, which she wished had happened sooner before she got in too deep with Tamela.

Tamela on the other was heartbroken, she felt like she  could've fought for Karen more but she didn't want to fight for a woman who didn't want to be with her, she had done that a lot in her past relationships and her last one broke her , and she didn't want Karen to do that to her.

Karen now focused her days on spending more time with her kids and family and working with her sisters, she missed singing with them and she didn't even realise just how much.

Tamela started throwing herself more into her work to get her company to the status of her goal... she used her pain as a way to push herself into doing more in her work.