[ａｓ] | 𝗕𝗡𝗛𝗔 𝗩𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗢𝗨𝗦

january

cw : suicide (no actual attempt, but there is implication and a lot of talk about it - please be safe)

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

it was cold.

that's the first thing the girl registered as she listened to her shoe heels knock against the buildings wall.

the sound of distant car horns and construction lingered below her as she gazed out across the city, eyes going unfocused as the blurring red lights and neon signs faded to the back of her mind.

january - dry, hard, glittering, cold, the naked beauty of scraped abyssal skies hung above her.

she was 15, now - the ridged lines moving with leaf flutters, the world exhaling, the smell of rain and wet trees - the smell of the last days of november were behind her.

but, it was january - and she was so tired.

people. people. endless noise. she was so tired.

she would like to sleep under trees ; red ones, blue ones, swirling passionate ones.

her own bed was weighed with loss, the absence weaving through the stitches of her bed sheets as if tethered by a needle and thread.

if the girl relaxed now, she thinks she'd fall apart. she's lived like this for too long, and now its the only way she knows how to go on. if she relaxed for a second, she'd never find her way back - she'd fall to pieces, and the pieces would be blown away.

i don't want to do it anymore

she looked up at the moon, high in the sky, hanging over the earth - a dead thing thing over a dying thing.

i wish i wasn't such a dreamer

the person she could've been is rotting in her stomach. no one wakes her up in the morning, and nobody waits for her at night - what should she call it, freedom or loneliness?

i've ruined this life for myself

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

"wait?! you're 'a s'?!"

beni had come to the reluctant conclusion that shinsou hitoshi had become a constant in her life since the sports festival - said sports festival was held only two days ago, but the pair had 'hit it off' in the words of today's youth.

"huh?" she tried to feign confusion, but the scene of her tagging her graffiti with [ a s ] made shinsou give her a deadpan look.

the boy turned back to his mural - for his first time 'grafitti-ing', he wasn't doing too bad - though the bleeding made beni want to rip her eyes out.

"you're kinda a hit with the youth,"

"never say those words to me ever again,"

he laughed, "i mean, with kids who are quirkless or cast out - or just those who don't like heroes,"

just then, it clicked in shinsou's brain.

"wait - if you hate heroes, then why the hell are you in a hero school?"

beni stood back from her art, leaning her back against the adjacent alleyway wall, bricks rough on her back.

"i mean, if you wanna take my spot then-,"

"no, i don't mean it like that - it's just...why become something you hate so much?"

she paused, "i don't hate heroes - some are better than others and some are the scum on the bottom of my shoe,"