Choices We Cant Make

thirteen: regrets

BLUE POV

Violet leaves. It is 11:53PM and I am alone in a bar. Those two girls also leave. Violet leaves. She leaves me with a broken heart of dissected hope.

Violet does not love me.She loves only Sam. But then why does every action contradict her mouth?

Why does her skin feel alive when I touch it? Why does her heart beat faster whenever I am around?

Why does she always fucking smile around me?

If she doesn't want me- why does she feel as if she needs me?

I do not know.

I must not force her. The reality is suddenly hitting me. What if she pulls out of the deal?

What about the book?

I need the book for our brand.

The Gregory name has been down for so long due to my father's addictions and carelessness. I wish he tended to his company the way he did to his bets and games.

My heart aches at the fact that the guy my dear violet idolizes is far far away from what she thinks he is, and what we are both making the world think he is.

So far the promotions have not begun...we are barely done with the book. We have 13 more chapters left and that means we have about another month ahead of us.

My head aches and I need to leave this stupid bar.

I walk out and book a cab. I need to go somewhere but I can not go home because Greg must have stained the house with his presence.

Maybe Suzy's? No. no no. She has her own life and we are not that close.

Friends? Well I never really made a lot of friends. My only group of friends include my college mates who probably are planning some Hawaii trip.

I know where I really want to be, but I also know that Violet would hate me for it, and we would end up miserable.

I know that its better to stay at home than to visit her and despite the knowledge of how wrong I can make things- I dial in her address on my app.

2mins later I'm sitting on a cab on my way to Violet's abode.

-.-

Her apartment door is open. She is sleeping on her beige couch. She can be so careless. She is lucky I'm not a thief, well unless I do steal her heart. Too far Blue, too far.

I walk inside and silently close the door.

Just looking at her face makes me feel relaxed. I smile. Violet drools on her shirt. She is sleeping with her head on the head rest of the couch and her clothes are a mess.

Her shirt exposes a little bit of her stomach and the entirety of her navel. I blush.

I touch her forehead and relieve her face from her hair - her beautiful long hair.

I sit beside her silent body and look at her lap- a golden glint distracts me. Is it a book? I walk towards the glint and deduce that its a blue journal.

She writes journals? Of course she does.

I remove it from her lap and keep it aside.

Maybe its the intoxication or the curiosity , or both - but I just want to open that journal and invade her naked thoughts.

Violet is difficult to understand.

Her mind and her words work on anti-parallel levels.

She says she does not love Sam yet sometimes I feel as if she loves him way more than herself.