Choices We Cant Make

37: the wedding p1

Blue POV

Its the day of our marriage and things have been hectic since Violet locked me outside of our bedroom. She over reacted when she was the one who was wrong. I spent the week at my ugly big house. It just felt empty- everything felt empty.

Sam fucking called her and I dont know if she still loves him or not. I for one refuse to marry someone who loves her ex. I just cant put that pain on me again. All through our relationship I have lived under the fright of her having second thoughts about her past. I trust Violet and I know she loves me, but fuck. Sam and Violet had a bigger history than the both of us.

But unlike her I wont jump to conclusions. I took my time away from her for 6 days and it fucking killed me. Not having her by my side when I wake up, not sharing the same sink to brush my teeth with her. Not sharing breakfast and packing lunch together, Not spending our nights doing movie marathons- It fucking sucked. I slept every night with the pain of an empty bed, knowing the women I loved must be as miserable as me.

But I need to face the fire. I need to ask her if she truly loves me, or does she share some of it with her ex. If its the latter we can not get married- its that insanely real and tragic. I just cant go through so much pain. Its...fuck I never loved a girl and now I let everything to her. I lent her my heart, I cant living knowing that someone else owns hers.

Violet does love me and at least that part is clear. I missed her, but seeing her trying to talk to me, trying to convince me with so much determination made me love her even more- but I needed that time.

-,-

I am standing right in front of our apartment's door. I haven't been here in a week and I cant wait to meet her.

I knock on the door and wait a while- anticipation killing me with every unanswered second.

Until the door opens and I see Aunt Arma- with all her novelty looking sternly at me.

"Nice to meet you, Blue" she says my name a little louder so that Violet can hear her.

"Nice to meet you too."

"I see you didn't do much of a good job keeping that promise, but my niece loves you very much, handsome boy"

I flinch at her words- remembering the promise I made with her, only to break it the very next day, with an act similarly foolish as the last. I walk past her and my jaw drops on the floor with the sight in front of me.

A very red cheeked Violet wearing a beautiful white gown- her wedding dress.

We both look in each other's eyes , mine showing amazement and guilt and hers showing guilt in its finest shade. Violet breaks the ice between us-

"This was my mothers, Aunt Arma got it for me" she says motioning her hands through the waves of her dress. I cant believe I am going to marry her - wait that I most hopefully will marry her.

"We need to talk" I state and with that Violet's red cheeks turn into the palest color ever known. Her eyes become fearful. She nods her head in silence and asks me to leave so she can change.

This is going to be a very difficult conversation.

After about 4 minutes Violet comes out.

"Where is Aunt Arma?" she asks

"She said she wanted to leave us both alone for a while" I answer back honestly.

Violet nods her head and awkwardly sits down beside me on the couch.

"So?" she looks everywhere other than my eyes- she is hurting.

"I am sorry for reading your journal, for defying you, for running away and not showing up within the week of our marriage" I confess clearly.

"I am sorry for hurting you" I add.

Violet shakes her head " no I am sorry. I shouldn't have locked you out and I shouldn't have gone to writing on a journal anymore. I should have thrown that thing long ago. Ah." her eyes light up

"lets just forget all this even happened and let's just get married okay?" she says hopefully.

I shake my head and just with that I watch Violet's whole heart break into two.

"You dont want to marry me?" she asks in a very low voice, hoping that it wont be true.

"We aren't done talking" I reply. Violet looks away from my eyes once again and a tear escapes her eyes.

"I dont want to hurt you but I need to know where I stand" My Adam's apple bobs up and down. I have a fierce- hurt demeanor while Violet has a fragile shattered face on her.

"I dont want to marry someone knowing that ....fuck" the words dont come out. Violet's eyebrows raise and she looks away once again.

Fuck it.

"Look at me" I command. She shifts her gaze to me. Her eyes are wet and slightly bloodshot.

"Do you...do you love Sam?" the words come out with a lot of pain.

Violet's eyebrows fall down and she starts crying.

She exhales and pulls me to her.

"I love you and only you" she whispers to me.

My tense shoulders relax as the adrenaline rush changes my entire mood. She loves me and only me.

Only me.

I sigh of relief as I smile down at her.

I pull her up to my lap and let her strangle me- placing both her legs beside my thighs on the couch. She crushes her face on my chest and dampens my shirt. I smile and play my fingers through her thick hair.

"I love you" I say and she says that she loves me as well inside my chest. I pull her face up and grab her face with one hand. I squeeze her face so that her pink lips scrunch into a pout. Her glistening blue eyes shine within her long lashes.

I kiss her with all the pain I had from the past week. She kisses me back and smiles a little mid way. God do I love her.

"We are getting married!" I shriek- do not ask me why the fuck I just said that.

Violet looks into me, and smiles a little. "No more secrets. It's us. Us until the end. Violet and Blu-"

From the across the room- a very agitated Aunt Arma storms inside with a phone in her ear.

"Violet and Blue...God! Jack's place now!" Aunt Arma frantically informs us. I never knew she could be this loud and serious.

Time stops as everything turns into absolute chaos.

Violet jumps out of my lap- the emptiness killing me just a little bit. I straighten my composure and ruffle my hands through my hair.

The three of us make it out of the house, with Aunt Arma very very much scared.

Aunt Arma, is someone who is fierce and formidable, but seeing her petrified gives me the ugliest kind of chills.

Aunt Arma pushes us inside Violet's Cadillac and drives us off to Jack's house- both of us wondering why the hell we are driving to his place.

On the day of our marriage.

I dont shift my eyes from Violet who is insanely freaking out. I grab her arms and try to comfort her by squeezing them. She fears a lot- and I think I have an idea what she is fearful of. Sam must have done something.

"Sam called" Aunt Arma looks back at the both of us, breaking the silence and confirming my assumptions. She shakes her head in disbelief and says,

"Jack..." she exhales "he is dead."