Choices We Cant Make

27: immersed

BLUE POV

The past 6 months of me knowing Violet have been amazing.

For the past 3 months Violet kept on working for Sapindales and I returned back to working for Darthmont's business. We did hire a lot of new editors and we did branch out for new writers.

So far things have been very decent professionally.

Personally- I dont know where we stand right now. I love Violet with all my heart and she was the one who wanted me to take things slow.

To not force her to trust me.

But it has been 3 months now.

And she still hasn't shown me that "trust". Everything else is fine. But this mere feeling - feels like betrayal.

She hasn't told me about her rape. I have indirectly tried to make her confide in me- but she just does not. Due to my sorry feelings towards her I declined meeting up with her for the past week. Today however when she called I decided to meet her. I miss her. I can not let my inner Demons consume me.

-.-

We both decided to have lunch at Strews after my meeting.

I am sitting across Violet- something that has been very common for the past 3 months. Us- sitting and talking. Have you ever felt hopeless? Hopeless that perhaps all the pretty feeling inside you have no depth to them because at the end you know its all pointless. It really is pointless if Violet does not confide within me.

I know her past was ugly but knowing that she doesn't trust me and she probably will never trust me - seems way more ugly to me.

"What would you like for tonight sir?" the waiter breaks me from my endless thinking. Violet is busy scouring through the menu. I look at Violet and urge her to order for us. She orders us burgers and fries.

"So how was your day Blue?" Violet asks.

How was my day? Well. It went just like every other day - busy over thinking about how much you do not trust me.

"Blue?" Violet says softly with the purest form of worry in her eyes.

Those blue eyes.

"Why were you named Blue?" she asks in a hurry. "Im sorry I never asked before" she starts giggling a little. I smile easing up the tension in my mind.

At least I can tell her about my stuff.

"My mother had Blue eyes. My father wanted to name me after something he loved. So he named me Blue...it wasn't much of my choice. If it were up to me I would name myself Drake" I answer smoothly. Violet starts laughing.

"Drake?! Thank god you didn't have a say in your name." she laughs even harder.

"Why Violet?" I ask her. She shakes her head. "I dunno...Aunt Arma named me. She says she just thought of the name and liked it"

I nod my head in approval.

We finish our little date and then drive back to Violet's apartment to drop her off. Violet lets me in for a while. She walks into her kitchen and grabs me a glass of water- for some reason she always does this.

We kiss and then I turn my heels to leave when Violet closes her eyes and opens her mouth.

"Blue. We need to talk"

I shudder over the very cliche- break- up line. No.

-.-

"You seem very distant" Violet states. I nod my head.
"I am sorry for that." Violet's eyes widen and she seems broken.

"Are you done?" she asks - shivering with every word.

"Done? Done with what?" I growl.

"Me." she whispers.

"Violet. No. You know I love you- argh! Even though you dont want me to say it, even though it seems impossible for you to acknowledge the fact that someone other than Sam can love you- I do love you. And I wont walk away from that"

Violet's eyes shut down as relief washes through her face. She looks up at me and smiles. "I....I love you Blue" she whispers.

Violet says she loves me. Did she just say that?

I visibly shake over her confession. Even though its not romantic , even though in all my fantasies I always imagined her confessing to me in some magical land - this feels fuck. This feels amazing.

Violet loves me.

She loves me.

But how can she? How can you love someone without having the trust to confide within them? How can she just say that like that and not mean it- because there is no way she means it. If she meant it she would tell me about the rape.

"You dont mean it." I state bladnly. She gets confused.

"What?" she shakes her head. "I do love you and you can not just tell me that Im lying!"

I walk up to her and press my body of hers. She shivers a bit and then tenses as my arms pin around my head against the wall. I look into her beautiful blue eyes

"If you loved me you would tell me about all the things you hate, you would trust me enough to not make them things I'll hate about you. You would show me pride in your choice. In your choice of whom you trust. I love you because I can talk to you expecting no judgement. You dont love me like that."

I let her lose and turn, but her small hands tightly wrap around my waist. She hugs me from the back and her tears dampen my shirt.

"I... I want to tell you everything" she whispers "I am sorry I did not tell you sooner- I am...ashamed of it. But I Love you and I will tell you about my past not just because I love you but because I trust you" she muffles into my back.

A smile of relief paints of my handsome face. I turn back and let her arms wrap around my waist as I wipe her tears. I kiss her forehead and hug her with all the love I have inside me.

"Lets talk"