Choices We Cant Make

eight: hate

SAM POV

"What? What do you mean you dont want to fight for our love? It has always been the both of us!" Exclaims my beautiful Violet. Everyones eyes shift at us.

"I dont love you anymore." I lie. I close my eyes and feel the pain radiate inside of me with the misery I put both of us through. After everything I learned there was no way I would ever hurt Violet by being with her.I end it. I end what lasted for several years since we both were 16.

Violet starts crying

"No. no. no. You know I was raped! You knew I was raped back then. It was not my fault. Im NOT sorry that child was my rapists. I did not want that child. It wasn't yours. I am not sorry okay? I have been through shit and I dont want to be treated like shit by someone who cant even have a normal relationship with his own brother! Fuck you!"

Violet whispers. She keeps her voice low but her anger pins through every muscle in my body. Violet storms out of the room. Her eyes start watering as she leaves and I can feel the pain intensify with a hard hint of guilt. I close my eyes and keep telling myself *SHE WILL BE FINE WITH BLUE.*

She doesn't know the truth herself, and I for one do not want her to know that the Quinns were the reason she had to live a traumatic life. The Quinns destroyed her.

I loved her. Hell I love her but after everything I cant be with her. I hate how terrible the world is. I hate how terrible my fucking brother is! I cant even look at him. I can't look into his eyes. I hate him. yes - hate.

VIOLET POV

I storm out of the room and catch Blue's arms and fall on to his chest. I cry and weep and he hugs me and places his hands over my head. He calms me down and drives me back to my apartment.

He doesn't ask me anything. I love that he doesn't intrude. I dont cry anymore instead I feel gutted.

Somewhere even after February I knew that there still was a possibility that Sam and I would end up together. But, tonight. Tonight it changed.

I enter my apartment and fall down on my couch while Blue makes his way into the apartment. He gets me a glass of water and asks "do you want to talk about it?"

I look away and breathe. I drink the glass and nod "okay."

"So tell me V, what happened between you two?"

I hesitate at first but once the watergate's open I can not resist.

"I loved Sam." I pause for a second realizing I used loved instead of love. It all changed into my past, so quickly, so smoothly- like a silent death waiting for its doom. "My father died when I was 15. Sam went to my school so did Jack. Jack was older but he skipped a few grades and so he was in my grade. Sam comforted me...he was the only one who knew about my fathers death. then my mother's cancer- ugh. He was with me through it all! I know it's silly but we both started dating after a game of truth or dare. We both dated until February this year. We had our ups and downs but for some reason I dont think we will be having any more ups." I tell him almost everything- leaving behind my rape. I do to not wish to inform him of that- not now atleast.

"Im sorry its just - I thought he was the love of my life and .... and now idk. I sound pathetic but I-"

Saying it out loud just made it feel really really real.

Blue cuts me off and hugs and says "shhhh" I start crying and I'm miserable. I hate that Blue has to see me this way. We have known each other for 2 days but it feels like we have known each other longer than what most marriages last. Blue is my friend. Just my friend.

Blue opens his phone and orders a pizza and we both spend an hour just talking about Greg and his life. Blue distracts me and after having our pizza he leaves.

I inhale and exhale and close the door once he leaves. I cant believe Blue - the millionaire blue would be so understanding and caring. I never expected our night to go this way but Im glad I got to see this side of Blue. I call my Aunt Arma and tell her everything. Of course.

After our 3 hour conversation I go to my texts... and my heart sinks when I realize that Sam blocked me. I throw my phone on my bed and go to sleep. Sleep- nothing but an escape from the world which has shown me nothing but pain.

*next morning*

I wake up with a thriving heart. I do not feel much pain since last night. It is a Thursday which means I have to go to work. I get up and dress myself in a simple blue outfit and leave for work. I take the bus , just because I do not feel like driving.

Every other minute the incidents of the past night relapse in my mind.

Sam's verdict, Blue's comfort and Jack's hidden secrets.

Curiosity killed the cat and although I am confused about much of what the Quinns told me - I chose not to indulge in them.

On my way I read through the layout of the first chapter about Gregs life and I record my voice narrating the introduction.

-.-

Once I reach my office I go to Rebecca and hug her tightly

"Gosh what happened?"

"Sam." I say with no emotion, no blood, no love. Sam. Such a simple name. 3 letters and its done. 3 letters- S.A.M , 3 letters B.Y.E

"Oh! Come here baby!" Rebecca hugs me even tighter this time and lets me go even quicker. She exclaims "Mr. Blue Becker! ANOTHER visit?" I turn around to see Blue standing by the entrance.

"I had to meet Dorothy again" Blue replies. He smirks at me and I burst into laughter. I cant believe I am laughing after all that happened last night. Rebecca gives me a *who the hell is Dorothy* face. I sway my head and let out a little chuckle.

Blue makes his way to me and whispers "I hope everything is fine."

I nod and tell him about the first chapter, trying to divert the energy in our room. Blue listens and before I even finish, he is impressed. He doesn't say much but he grins very loudly (yes his grinning was loud) . He asks me to send him the typed in format by 5 so that he can send it for an edit. I oblige and he leaves soon.

Why does he always make appearances and leaves so soon?

I will never understand him. Him, not him. Him is not Sam anymore. Him is Blue.

Anyways. By 5 I email him the draft and then make my way back home. On my way back I hear a familiar music. "Bring it back bring it back dont take it away from me because you don't know what it means. to. Me." Love of my life, Queen.