Choices We Cant Make

sixteen: packing

VIOLET POV

I dont know whats wrong with me.

There are so many things in my head right now.

What are the Quinns hiding from me?

How can Blue be so comfortable with me?

We were brutal. I can't ignore the fact that I stormed out of Benno's with a broken heart and that he never needs to know that I mused him, and that I still do.

Blue is pretending as if nothing ever happened. I dont know if Im okay with that.

I sure as hell do not want to make things awkward but Blue took my heart with him and crumbled it into pieces when I saw him with those 2 girls right after he kissed me. Right when he told me to leave. Right when he growled the word - fuck on my phone.

I did do some damage on my part but pretending as if mountains did not move , and sitting by the beach makes no sense to me.

And we are going to Hawaii.

Wow.

Why did i agree to that again? Oh right - some inauguration party and well free food.

I am pretty excited to visit Hawaii but what I'm most excited about is to get to see what this becomes of us.

The time we ever spent together was working and now that we wont be working anymore I think reforming our relationship into good friends is important.

I sigh and breathe. There is so much to pack today.

Blue loves me.

I love Blue. But we both have made damages that we both are too scared to open up to.

I dont think I have ever fallen for someone like i have for Blue and even though it hurts I am proud of myself. What I had with Sam was beautiful and raw but Sam broke me, in ways that now I only heal to the words Blue has to say to me- unless they are drunk words.

It's midnight and me and Blue are leaving for Hawaii in 4 hours. I need to start packing.

We would be gone for 2 days and 2 nights and we will return Monday. I have work on Monday anyways.

I choose to pack my red bikini and a few formal dresses along with my jeans and tees.

I also pack some comfy pajamas and some other important commodities.

Once Im done I seal my bag and I still have an hour to spare. I decide to take a nap but before I can execute my decision I get a call.

Its him

It's Blue.

Blue asks me if I have packed everything. I answer with a simple yes.

I can gather that Blue wants to talk further but after he left me, after he kissed me, nothing has been worth the awkwardness.

I tell him I need to sleep. He hangs up.

I start questioning if it really is good for me to go with someone I left things insanely awkward with.

If it weren't for the date and the kiss we both would have been very comfortable. Just how we were for the past month. Then again perhaps after the dismissal of Greg's biography he wouldn't have invited me.

Im yet to conclude whether or not that would have been better

But we would be hiding our emotions then, not that they aren't now. Hidden.

I'm just lucky that Blue does not know that I like him.

Like.

Is it weird that even though we barely know each other - I love him and he loves me.
Well, Blue does not know that I like him.