Choices We Cant Make

31: apology

"I am sorry" Greg says.

What? I was not prepared for this. Greg- wait, MY FATHER is apologizing? I seem confused.

"I am sorry" Greg repeats again, assuming that I had not heard him the first time.

"You need more money?"I ask surprising him. He shakes his head and places his hand on mine.

I look away into the cornered periphery while he tries to form sentences I guess. The cold air of the city dancing through my skin- adrenaline pushing me further.

"I know a lot happened the past few months...with the books fail, you finding love and me..me having Daisy. I just want you to know that...that I love you"

Greg waits for some sort of reaction from me, but I just keep my fucking mouth shut

"I know I never could be the father you deserved..I was scared. I only knew one thing and that was business. I did not want a child. And when we had you...I didn't know what to do" he confesses.

"Son, I know I went down the ugly road...but since I met Daisy she...she has made me better. She...." he scoffs and I can see a tear escape from his eyes. The Gregory Becker is crying- wow.

"I proposed to Daisy...she said me she wouldn't marry me unless I fixed things with you. I know its fucked up that I need someone to make me realize how pathetic I am but....son this is not just for Daisy. Its for you" he looks up at me and for a minute we both just stare into each other.

"Right." is all I say. I turn back on my heels to go back into our new cozy house- back to my Violet.

"Violet huh? She means something to you" my father asks before I can escape. I nod my head slowly and smile a little thinking about the wonderful lady.

"You ever feel that dying blaze of fire inside you, burning every sane thought with the only purpose of doing absolutely anything for the person you love?" my dad asks, with a poetic passion. I look at him- suprised. I nod my head again "I do....fuck I love her" I murmur.

"We both do have something in common you see....We both are in love. Son please, I am so sorry. I know you wont ever forgive me but...but I needed to try."

"Greg... if you really changed since you met this Daisy person then why did you need money for a bet?" I growl at him.

"Son.. I needed to purchase an engagement ring for her...I did not have enough money for it. I am sorry I asked you...I hate that I ask you for money" he leaves me dumbfound.

Did he actually mean everything he just said? That he is trying to become a better person? Daisy is friends with Aunt Arma so perhaps it would make some sense. But never did I expect him to come here and....and apologise.

"You are right Greg. I can never forgive you. But I love my Violet and she....for some reason has always idolized you. " Gregs face lifts with a little hint of relief.

"I dont think I can ever see Violet sad because of you. You caused some heavy damage between us a few months back- and I am non to forget. I love her Greg and I dont want you to break her. I dont want you to fuck it up with Daisy , because Violet will not like that. Violet's aunt is Ms. Arma Brew."

Greg shakes his head "I love Daisy very much, and perhaps my words dont depict true conviction but I love her and knowing that is enough for me" he states - a little bit offended.

"Son, I tried. I love Daisy and thats why I am here I love you as well- you are my son. I am proud of you. I love Daisy and so I proposed to her, I can not imagine my life without her. You think I would have asked her to marry me without a speck of self doubt? Hell I still fear myself but I will try this time. I will try because I never did that with you."

He walks back into the apartment. I stay alone in the balcony juggling through my emotions. The air is a sharp tone of cold. Fuck what just happened?

My father just stormed into our new house and apologized for everything he ever did?

I walk back inside and I see my father helping Violet set the dishes. I dont know why, but the scene feels very...real. The father helping his son's girlfrend settle in.

Greg looks into Violet's eyes in a way that tells me he is happy for me. He is happy knowing that I have someone in mylife. that even I have a daisy of my own.

My father smiles. "You look a lot like Arma" he says- a little too loud. I smile at that thought.

Violet blushes as I walk towards the kitchen and hug her from the back ignoring my father's presence.

Although I was not exactly wanting Greg to spend dinner with us, Violet begged him to stay and thus the 3 of us got cozy and sat down for dinner. Violet made some delicious lasagne- which the two of us devoured in a whole of 5 minutes.

Violet excused herself as she went to have her daily gossip session with her aunt, meanwhile the both of us were on dish duty. I did not mind that. After my father's apology I want to talk to him. I want to see if he is was actually genuine.

We both did our dishes without conversing even once, and for some reason that made me a little bit pissed off. Greg washed his hands once he was done and grabbed his stuff. As he was making his way out he looked at me and finally said something -

"Son. Dont let her go." he said and then slipped off through the door.

Do. Not. Let. Her. Go.

I love her why would I?

Something about my father's visit kept me up all night. How could love change a person so fucking much? He surely isn't the person he used to be, and its unbelievable how much he has changed. The fact that *love* can make you a person you were afraid you could never be..its amazing.

He left me with the wisdom to never let her go. I never took the man's opinions. I always belittled him, because his ego was bigger than Russia- yet all his actions today said something different.

"Blue whats on your mind?" Violet asks as we both lay close to each other on our bed.

"Ice cream"I lie as Violet grows a fierce grin.

"Lets go!" she says as she jumps out of the bed and grabs a jacket. She nudges at me- "COME ONNN"

I guess we are going for ice cream at 10 in the fucking night.

And just somehow I am happy, because I know that this is going to be more than ice cream. I did not want Violet knowing much about my thoughts, because I want to surprise her. I do not want to let her go- ever. I want to marry her.

Im Happy because for once I am going to Listen to my fucking father- after all it was his life that brought us together.