It's complicated

Chapter 31: fucked up

I wake up and instantly shut my eyes again. Why does my head hurt so bad? I can't remember a thing. I take a minute to try and recall what happened last night. That's when it all comes back to me the drinking and Leah showing up. Fuck i was in a state. I broke her promise again what the fucks wrong with me. I can't keep doing this to her she doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve her.

I turn to face her she's still asleep thank god i have no idea how mad she's going to be. I can't believe I've broke the promise again. I get up and sit on the side of the bed for a bit trying to gain the strength to go downstairs and grab some ibuprofen. If I'm this bad i can't begin to think how bad Cole and Jacob are.

I walk into the kitchen and Cole and Jacob are both sat on the kitchen island with their heads on the table and a glass of water each. "Morning" i say to them they both hum in response not bothering to look up obviously in to much pain.

I open the Cupboard grabbing 2 ibuprofens and taking a seat next to cole and Jacob. My head is fucking killing. "How much did we drink last night" i ask them both. I don't even think i want to know.

"To much" Jacob responds. "Who's stupid idea was it to drink I'll kill them" he adds i laugh at his response him being the culprit for the whole thing.

"Think that was your bright idea Jacob mate" i say patting him on the back and leaving the room to go sit in the living room. I need to think of a way to make it up to Leah if she will even let me. I really hope she will let me.

"Morning sweetheart sore head" Amanda says taking in my appearance with a slight chuckle and patting the seat next to her.

"You can say that again" i say taking a seat next to her. "I really messed up didn't i" i ask Amanda.

"Yes you really did I've never seen Leah so worried" Amanda says in the nicest way possible. I sigh regretting everything i did why can't i ever just stop myself.

"I don't know how i can make it up to her i didn't mean to drink it just sort of happened i guess" I say hoping Amanda can give me some sort of advice to help me make it up to her. I'm not good at this girlfriend thing all i ever seem to do is mess up.

"She likes breakfast in bed" she says with a wink. Right breakfast in bed if she likes that then that's what she will get.

I make my way into the kitchen with a mission cooking isn't going to help my sore head but I'll just have to suck it up. I grab some pots and pans everything i will need to make breakfast.

"Stop with all of the noise lex" Cole says annoyed I ignore him tho he will just have to suck it up that's what I'm doing. Jacobo just sits there groaning not having the strength to tell me to shut up.

After the longest half an hour of my life i finally plate up the last of the breakfast having to re do the eggs 3 times since i either kept over cooking them or cracking the yolk nobody likes it when the yolk cracks.

I make my way up the stairs back into are room. "Le i made you breakfast" I say gently shaking her awake and placing the plate on the bedside table. I stand there waiting for her reaction i don't think I've ever felt so nervous.

"Thanks but this isn't going to get you out of my bad book i respect the effort tho" she says taking a slice of toast off the plate and eating some. God i really fucked up.

"I'm sorry I'm really fucking sorry i didn't mean to it just happened ok i tried to stop myself but i couldn't and then the bartender asked me if i wanted a drink and...

"Lex stop calm down" Leah says placing her hand on my shoulder stopping my rambling. "We will talk about it later I'm to mad at the minute and your just working yourself up we won't get anywhere" she says.

"Right ye sorry" I say slightly embarrassed from my rambling. I go to leave the room but just as I'm about to leave Leah stops me. "And where do you think you're off to" she says making me stop and turn to her.

"I just thought you would want to be left alone" I say. "No you're staying here and keeping me company" she says tapping my side of the bed. Ok maybe she isn't that mad. "This doesn't mean i forgive you I'm still extremely mad at you" she says. No never mind she is that mad.

I sit down next to her a good distance away I don't know what I'm meant to do. Do i talk to her? Do I just sit here? Does she even want me here or does she just feel bad?

"I can hear your thoughts from all the way over here stop stressing" Leah says pulling me out of my thoughts I turn to her. "Sorry" I say not knowing what else i can say.

"It's ok" she says continuing to eat her breakfast. An awkward silence fills the room i don't like awkward silence it stresses me out.

"Are you going to break up with me" I blurt out i have to know i can't lose her.

"Huh what of course I'm not" she says putting the plate down and turning to face me she takes my hands in her's. "Why do you think I'm going to break up with you" she asks.

"Because i messed up again it's all i ever do is mess up i don't deserve you, you should just go it will make your life easier I'm just extra baggage that nobody needs" I say Leah looks shocked and angry. Did i mess up again? Did i say something wrong? Fuck sake what's wrong with me.

"Don't you ever think of yourself like that Lex you messed up ok everyone does but i won't let you think of yourself like that not ever" she says firmly moving her hand to my face and turning it so I'm looking into her eyes.

"Right ye sorry" I say yet again i still think she deserves better tho literally anybody would be a better girlfriend than me.

"I love you Lexi nobody else you your not extra baggage your the reason i get up every morning when i get news your the first person i want to tell your the person i want to spend the rest of my life with so don't think even for a second your just some extra baggage that nobody needs because i need you Lex" she says i have tears in my eyes i really don't deserve her.

" I need you to" I say pulling her in for a hug a hug that speaks 1,000 words. I really don't think i can live without her i need her way to much.

"I'm giving you one more chance lex just one more no more drinking do you hear me" she says pulling out of the hug and looking me in the eyes.

"No more drinking i promise" I say sticking my pinky out she interlocks her pinky with mine and I bring it up to my lips and kiss it.

"I love you" I say pulling her back into my arms already missing the warmth from her body.

I love you to Lex so much" she says placing her head on my chest.