Falling for the Masterpiece

Chapter 5: Pretend

IVAN

Hindi siya pumasok. Yukihero Azukawa did not go to school for a week after he stayed at my house. Minsan iniisip ko kung buhay pa ba siya. Kung nakauwi ba siya nang maayos kung saang condo man siya nakatira noong nakaraang Sabado. Kung nilalagnat pa ba siya at basa ng pawis tuwing natutulog—

Shit!

Why do you care, Ivan?

Naalala ko na naman ang tatay ko. He would always scold me and kuya whenever he noticed that our heads were somewhere else all of a sudden. Si Tatay ang pinakamasipag na taong kilala ko. He always saw to it that he foresaw everything. He taught both me and my brother how to focus at work and to never get distracted.

Tamad na tao si kuya, hindi gaya ko. But he would see to it that tatay's wishes are his priorities mula nang naghiwalay ang mga magulang namin. Iniwan kasi kami noong ng nanay ko. I hated that day. That was . the most painful day in my life. Magmula noon, hindi na kumalma ang puso ko. Iyong parang laging may namumuong bagyo sa dibdib ko na hindi ko alam kung kanino ko isasalanta. Ang pag-iwan sa amin ni nanay ang nagdulot ng kakaibang poot sa puso ko. Pero si tatay, lagi niya akong tinuturuang maging kalmado. Hanggang sa nasanay na lang akong kontrolin ang mga emosyon ko gamit and headset ko. Reducing the noise around me helps a lot in calming my storm. Pero minsan, may mga unos pa ring nakakatakas sa puso ko at nababaling ko sa iba.

I have this thing in my life that I call the Piggy Bank. Doon ko nilalagay ang mga binibigay na allowance sa akin ni tatay. Hindi ko na kailangan ng suporta niya actually. My part time job in Almasen is enough to give me the money I need for a week. The tuition was also not a problem; magagaling ang mga teacher namin ni kuya noong mga bata pa kami so it wasn't so hard for me to get a scholarship from multiple organizations. In short, I can fucking take good care of myself. Except for one thing. I'm not a good cook.

Speaking of heads in the clouds, "Mr. Ivan Boselli, nakikinig ka ba?" Nasaharapan ko na pala si Ms. Malubag. Nakahalukipkip at pumapadyak ang paa habang may hawak pang meter stick.

"Yes, of course." I smiled. I winked at her. I saw her blush. I know my teacher is a 30-year-old single lady at hindi nakatakas sakin ang point one millisecond na pagkatulala niya.

"Mr. Boselli, alam naming lahat na guwapo ka," she's fidgeting. Lagot, I could see her veins pulsating on her forehead. "Isa pang beses na kindatan mo ako, ipapatawag kita sa Dean's office."

Tinawanan ako ng lahat. Napakagat ako ng labi ko.

"Sorry—"

"Tayo! Go to the board and solve the equation."

I grabbed the whiteboard marker. It took me 30 seconds to find the value of X.

Natulala sa akin si teacher. I handed her the marker, sabay tingin sa mga classmates ko. "I told you, I was listening."

Ms. Malubag had no choice but to put a big red check mark on my solution on the board. My classmates were holding their smiles, dahil paniguradong pag-iinitan sila sa susunod na math problem if they laughed. May silbi talaga ang mga advance classes na inenrolan sa akin ni tatay noong bata pa ako.

The class ended, and I was the last one to leave. I hate going with the crowd. Gusto kong laging nahuhuli. Ayoko nakikihalubilo sa maraming tao, it drains my social battery. Gosh, I wish I'm like kuya. Kuya Gabriel is like a social butterfly. Kahit noong mga bata kami, siya lagi ang madaldal sa aming dalawa tuwing isinasama kami ni tatay sa mga lakad niya. Maybe that's how I became like this. I'm always drowning in my own universe instead of talking to strangers na mahilig akong ikumpara sa kuya ko.

I love my kuya. And kuya loves me, higit sa iba pa naming kamaganak. We only have each other. But at some point in my life, I got jaded by sudden remarks when people set my brother as the standard. That's when I started to fall in love with daydreaming. Mas gusto kong kausap ang sarili ko. Because my self won't judge me. And if I do, they're valid judgements. Because, just like everybody else, no one else has been completely in my shoes except for me.