Falling for the Masterpiece

Chapter 32: Masterpiece (Finale)

Mahal kong Ivan,

I dropped Kite in front of your house. Sorry at hindi na tayo nagpang-abot.

May aaminin ako sa 'yo.

Hindi ako sumama kay Treb noong iniwan kita sa hotel. I was with my relatives in Batangas.

Madalas akong pumunta sa beach ninyo nang palihim and when no one is around during the night. I would secretly light the bonfire there, tapos titingin ako sa langit. I would pull my knees to my chest. I would sometimes imagine na katabi kita. Gaya noong gabing magkasama tayo roon. How you gave me hope. How I felt that a light was coming from me and how I shined brighter than the stars above us.

I would always touch the spot where you sat that night. I would often talk to the vast sea as if it were you. Ganoon ka kasi, kasing lawak ng dagat ang pang-unawa mo. I would often kiss the gentle wind as if it were your lips. Gaya ng mga labi mong malambot tulad ng malambing na hangin. I would often listen to the conflagrating fire behind me as if I was still caged in your arms. Grabe, I miss your hugs so much, kaya siguro madalas rin ako tumambay sa tapat ng apoy. I would often stare back at the moon, just like every time I'd catch you looking at me in the classroom, then act like you don't care. But now I know that you care. You care about me so much.

God, I miss you, Ivan.

I went to our spot. You know...sa rooftop, sa ilalim ng punong mangga. I went there at the sunset after your wedding. I sat on the bench. As usual, I was looking at the clouds. Abala ako sa pagmumuni-muni nang may mapansin ako. The orange light from the setting sun reflected on a glass bottle on top of me.

I saw your letter, Ivan Boselli. Binasa ko iyon.

I finally understand you now. Kung bakit mo ako tinalikuran noong araw na iyon sa Batangas. Kasi pinili mo ako.

Salamat, Ivan. Thank you for choosing me. Salamat sa pagkakataong hinayaan mo akong makapiling pa si Kite habang may oras pa 'ko. It was a good run. Kite and I would always have fun tuwing magpapalipad kami ng saranggola sa hapon.

Hindi ko man kayang suklian lahat ng kabutihan mo sa materyal na paraan, siguro ito lang ang maihahandog ko—ibinabalik ko na sa inyo si Kite.

Wala naman akong ibang puwedeng pagkatiwalaan sa kanya maliban sa 'yo. Alam na alam ko namang hindi ninyo siya pababayaan. At alam kong kaya mo na siyang ipagtanggol sa mundo mo.

And by the time you read this, nasa malayo na ako.

I think you know what I mean by that. You're the smartest person I've met in this life.

Pero sa unang pagkakataon, may hihilingin sana ako sa 'yo.

I will ask you to lie to Kite for me.

Hindi niya pa naiintindihan ang konsepto ng paglisan ko. Please just tell him that I will be gone for a while. Iyon rin kasi ang sinabi ko sa kanya. Giving someone false hope is sometimes better than breaking their spirit with the truth. In time, he will realize it. Time will break his heart slowly but time will heal it as well.

I hope you understand.

Don't worry, bumawi naman ako sa 'yo. To pay you back, I colored your sketches. Sorry kung lagpas-lagpas or hindi tama ang mga kulay na ginamit ko. Bilang na lang kasi ang mga kulay na nakikita ko dahil sa komplikasyon ng malalang kondisyon ko. But I did try my best to give justice to your art. Sana magustuhan mo.

Ikaw ha, sabi na dati mo pa akong crush, e. Ang cute ng mga drawing mo habang sumasayaw ako. Lalo na iyong nagbre-break dancing sa space habang para akong astronaut.

By the time you read this, maybe I'm already in space—breakdancing, smiling, watching you as one of the stars.

And regarding sa tanong mo about sa word na "gay". Sa tingin ko, naisabuhay ko naman ang kahulugan ng salitang iyon— "masaya". Naging masaya ako, Ivan. Mula noong nakilala ko sina Auntie Criselle, Uncle Patch, Kite, at lalong lalo na ikaw.

In a universe where mending a broken soul requires a cosmic intervention, we did find healing from each other, Ivan. We may have not cured my condition, but you helped me fix my broken soul.

Natutunan ko sa 'yong hindi ko kailangan ng ibang tao na bubuo sa pagkatao ko, kundi kailangan ko ng taong tatanggap sa akin nang buong-buo.

Thank you dahil minahal mo ako kahit ganito ako. Thank you dahil pinili mo ako kahit kapalit noon ay kaligayahan mo. Thank you for seeing the beauty in me kahit may diskriminasyon sa mga kagaya ko. Thank you for turning me into a masterpiece kahit sa papel lamang, mahal ko.

This once shattered star is now whole again. See you in the starry sky someday, Ivan Boselli!

Mahal na mahal ka,
Yukihero Azukawa

The End