Falling for the Masterpiece

Chapter 30: The Letter

Dear Yuki,

I kept this letter within my chest pocket as I made my vows in the church. Gusto ko, malapit ito sa puso ko habang binibigkas ang mga katagang tuluyang puputol sa pising nagkokonekta sa ating dalawa.

I want someone to witness it. If not "someone", "something" would do. Saksi ang liham na ito na ikaw pa rin ang tinitibok ng puso ko hanggang sa huli.

Hindi ko isinulat ang liham na ito just to apologize. I'm writing this letter to thank you. Inalis mo ang poot sa puso ko alam mo ba? You cured me, Yuki. Do you know when?

It was the day I met Kite.

The first time I saw him, he was the exact copy of my Kuya Gabriel when he was little. Ganoong-ganoon ang itsura ni Kuya noong bata pa kami.

My mother was pregnant when she left us. We have this rule in the company that the successor should go through the same hell as the one who precedes them. My mom hated that. But it was the only way for our clan to stay in control of all the things that my father built. Naalala ko pa ang gabing iyon. Bumabagyo. After seeing that my pet birds died from cold that night because I ignored them despite their cries in the middle of the storm, I despised my mom. I started hating the world. I began hating myself.

When Kite and I were in the playground, I had his DNA tested from one of his lollipops. He has the same DNA as both of my parents. We found out that my mom, Criselle Boselli went to a province alone and met a guy named Patch Flores. Kite is my father's son.

Kuya Gabriel did most of the research and he was able to connect the dots. Kung paano ka sinaklolohan ng nanay ko at ni Mr. Flores noong gabing iyon.

When I found out about my mom being there, nawala ang pagkamuhi ko sa kanya. Alam mo kung bakit? Kung hindi niya siguro kami iniwan, hindi siya mapupunta sa probinsya ninyo. Kung hindi siya nanggaling sa lying-in clinic para magpa-check-up noong araw na iyon, they will not be able to rescue you.

Everything happens for a reason, Yuki. It took me a while to finally accept that. Tuluyang naglaho ang poot ko noong nag-usap tayo sa tabing dagat. How you made me realize that I had to embrace my demons instead of running away from them.

You have your condition. I also struggled with my rage. Sa kondisyon natin dalawa, gumaling na ako. I could no longer feel my wrath. Tinabunan mo, Yukihero. How I wish I could do the same for you.

Which brings me to the point of this letter—why didn't I choose you back in Batangas?

Wrong.

I chose you that day. Ikaw ang pinili ko.

When you were asleep, Kuya Gabriel visited us in the mansion. He gave me two options:

Ang piliin ko ang sarili ko. I would renounce the So family at sasama ako sa'yo. Pero si Kite ang papalit sa posisyon namin at dadaan sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko.

Or...

Ang piliin kita. But I would let you go so that you could keep Kite forever.

Alam kong mahal na mahal mo si Kite. I saw that every day I was with you.

You love Kite so much that you'd approach our bastard classmates in class just to offer your services para may pangkain kayo. Yes, Yuki, I know all of that. I've been listening despite these earphones that's not totally plugged in my ears.

You love Kite so much that you would knock at every door in the squatter's area to help them with anything for free—baradong lababo, sirang sasakyan, butas na bubong—so that they would be nice to you and your brother. Alam ko iyon, nakuwento sa akin minsan ng mga kapitbahay mo.

You love Kite so much that you would keep all of his pictures above your bed so that you can stare at them all before you sleep. It was as if you would look up, watching something so beautiful as it floats in the sky. Hindi ka lang sa mga larawan at drawing sa ilalim ng kama ng kapatid mo nakatingin. Alam kong tunatagos sa kutson ang mga tingin mo patungo mismo sa kapatid mo. I know that because I'd see you cry whenever I sleep over at your house at night.

Isa pa, choosing myself and letting Kite suffer as much as my father and I did would make my mom's sacrifices mean for naught.

Ikaw ang pinili ko Yuki. So you can keep Kite.

Kinailangan kitang iwan noong araw na iyon dahil alam kong si Kite na lang ang pamilya mo.

Sana mapatawad mo ako dahil ikaw ang pinili ko.

Oh, God. Sana talaga ikaw 'yong kaharap ko sa altar kanina.

Alam mo ba kung ano ang palagi kong iniisip tuwing nakatulala ako? Iyong salitang "gay". Sa diksyonaryo kasi ang orihinal na kahulugan noon ay "masaya".

Sa history kaya ng pagiging gay, meron talagang naging masaya?

I was really hoping that we would be the first.

Will always choose you,
Ivan Boselli