Besfriend's Boyfriend | sunsun

42

The very next day Sunghoon found himself in the exact same position, sitting on the grass and counting the individual blades because even that was less exhausting than suffering through his thoughts.

The cheering surrounded him as he tormented himself and it was almost mocking. Every time he'd think he was crazy people would applaud and each time his mind conjured images of Sunoo in the shower, without his permission, people would laugh in increasing volumes.

It was easier to look at the ground as well, that way he didn't have to risk his eyes meeting Sunoo's. Or worse, Dae.

It was like a battle on who caused him more distress was wagering in his mind.

Sometimes he'd be tortured with the reality of Dae's disheartened stare, and the guilt that quickly followed. There were more causes of his guilt than Sunghoon could keep track of, some he didn't even understand.

Other times it would be Sunoo that filled his mind and caused his heart rate to increase and his blood to run hot and there wasn't even a singular instance that was causing the reaction, it was simply Sunoo's existence.

It was Sunoo's eyes and his arms and his waist and the way hair fell into his eyes and he so daintily pushed it behind his ear. And the way he'd smile with his entire face, nose scrunched up and teeth bunny like, and it was the fact Sunghoon hadn't ever really been the recipient of that smile. It was his thighs and his soft scent and even softer words and it was Sunoo in the shower, muscular back tensing beneath the water as the prettiest moans slipped past his lips. It was-

"Sunghoon?"

Eyes shooting up, wide and panicked, he found Ni-ki looking at him with narrowed brows and curious eyes. Sunghoon flooded with panic, stomach and heart dropping until he thought he'd never recover. Had he said that out loud? Had his thoughts grown so strong, so consuming, that he'd actually spoken them?

That could not happen.

Sunghoon couldn't ever let those thoughts leave his mouth.

Right now they didn't make sense and they were vague and broken images and Sunghoon couldn't be sure they were even real but if he said them out loud there was no way he could deny that-

"Sunghoon?"

"Y-yeah." He stuttered, having to clear his throat when his voice came out so quiet and broken.

"Are you not feeling well?" Ni-ki then asked, some worry slipping into his tone and Sunghoon speculated that he had been talking to him for a lot longer than he had realised.

"N-no, no, I'm okay, Hyung." Sunghoon excused, not sounding convincing at all.

After he lifted a hand to Sunghoon's forehead, he informed, "You feel hot."

Great. Now he was even hotter, cheeks red and eyes unable to meet Ni-ki's as he struggled, "M-must be the sun."

"I guess that makes sense." Ni-ki chuckled, shaking his head but deciding to drop it. Moving on, he said, "They'll be on soon."

And suddenly Sunghoon was thinking of Sunoo again.

Or maybe he had never stopped.

"H-Hyung?"

"Hmm?"

"What-" Sunghoon stopped, mouth still open like the words had been physically taken from him. Clamping his lips together again, Sunghoon shook his head.

"Come on, tell me." Ni-ki whined, pushing Sunghoon's shoulder lightly.

Swallowing and becoming very familiar with the sound of his heartbeat in his ears, Sunghoon waited until he lost all of his willpower. Then, with a tension filled tone and vague hand gestures, he finally asked, "H-have you ever... been, like, turned on by something unexpected?"

It was slow and awkward and Sunghoon wanted to die but he had said it.

Ni-ki raised an eyebrow, clearly amused with the question as he asked, "Like... as in a kink?"

"S-sure." Sunghoon stuttered. "Yeah, a kink."

Carefully, Ni-ki asked, "Does this have something to do with you and Dae not talking?"

The question was a lot more complex than Ni-ki had intended it to be. Sunghoon's mind raced with all the possible answers, confused as to what the actual answer was.

Eventually, Sunghoon breathed, "Something like that."

Ni-ki slowly nodded, thankful for the limited information but not pushing too much. Sunghoon felt slightly bad for possibly misleading the older as he clearly tried to comfort Sunghoon for some new kink he had.

"I mean, sure." He shrugged, tone light and airy. "It's not like we can control what we want and as long as everything is safe and consensual then you shouldn't feel bad for it, Hoon."

The conversation was going in an entirely different direction and Sunghoon felt a little sick with nerves at the implications of Ni-ki's words. Sunghoon didn't want to think about Sunoo in the same sentence as thinking about wanting things.

"Y-yeah, I know, but..." Sunghoon needed Ni-ki to tell him that it was normal to get turned on because someone else was jerking off. That was normal. It didn't mean anything more than Sunghoon was turned on by association. "What if, like, I was- What if I liked the sound of moans?" Sunghoon gulped as he finished, needing a moment to breathe.

Surely, he looked insane. Face pulled into confusion and distress written across his muscles all whilst asking such a simple question.

"That's definitely normal, Sunghoon. Expected even."

"Right!" Sunghoon let out a deep exhale, eyes lifting to Ni-ki's with hope. "It is expected." Sunghoon said like he was finally being believed after years of denial. "They're just so- I mean, you would have done the same if you heard them. It was just so... intoxicating and different and- They're so-" He stopped once again, unsure as to whether he struggled to find the words to describe Sunoo or if he just struggled to say them out loud.

Laughing at his clear state of arousal, Ni-ki asked, "Why are you two not talking if you're this crazy over them?"

"Huh?" Sunghoon furrowed his brows, confused.

He was talking to Sunoo, albeit awkwardly. What was Ni-ki talking about?

"Is it about something else? Did you fight or something?" Ni-ki inquired and Sunghoon only looked on in more confusion.

He hadn't fought with Sunoo. Actually, they hadn't fought in quite a while, only their usual bickering. And Sunghoon wasn't even certain that was bickering anymore, it felt less irritating than it used to. He didn't quite have a name for it, but Sunghoon wouldn't call it fighting.

"Dae looks kinda ups-"

"Dae?"

Expression neutral, Ni-ki nodded and then it became abundantly clear that Sunghoon was supposed to be talking about her. Obviously, that's what Ni-ki had thought. Obviously, that's what Sunghoon should have been talking about.

"Who were you talking about?" Ni-ki then asked, perplexed, but Sunghoon couldn't form any thought to explain himself any further.

Instead, with his eyes averting from Ni-ki's again and his best attempt at a smile, Sunghoon said, "No one. You're right, Hyung. W-we had a fight, nothing too big."

When Sunghoon met Ni-ki's eyes he could see something in them, something that told Sunghoon Ni-ki didn't quite believe him. As the older opened his mouth Sunghoon thanked the universe for the slightest bit of luck, watching their cheer team run onto the field.

"Look, they're starting." Sunghoon interrupted the older, eyes turning to the field to pretend he was too enthralled to make conversation.

For a moment longer he felt eyes on him, but Sunghoon refused to look away. With shaky breaths and no less confusing thoughts, Sunghoon watched the very cause of his distress.

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