Besfriend's Boyfriend | sunsun

69

Just look. One look. A glance even. It won't mean anything. It probably won't feel like anything either.

Even though Sunghoon knew he was lying, he turned his head and found Sunoo within a second.

And it hurt. More than he imagined it would, more than he knew it would.

The younger was in his uniform, hands above his head as he yelled a cheer. His hair was bouncing lightly and there was the lightest blur of red on his neck.

Sunghoon had done that.

Sunghoon's lips had grazed Sunoo's skin, they had kissed him when no one else was around, they had shared touches in the silence of being alone and whispered praise into each other's ears.

But now there were miles between them and Sunghoon couldn't reach out and touch him, he couldn't hold Sunoo's hand or kiss his neck or tell him how he felt.

And what hurt the most was that Sunoo wasn't even looking at him.

Sunoo, who would glare at him. Sunoo, who would bicker with him and push his buttons. Sunoo, who always managed to make him feel so intensely. Sunoo, who had been in love with him the entire time.

Sunghoon didn't know how to handle Sunoo being in love with him. Sunghoon especially didn't know how to handle Sunoo hating being in love with him.

A few months ago Sunghoon thought he was straight. He had a girlfriend and an annoying guy that drove him crazy.

Now, he had broken up with his girlfriend and was still going crazy because of that guy but now because he knew beneath his cheer uniform was even more bruises that Sunghoon had left behind.

Would he get to leave more marks on Sunoo?

Did he want to?

It wouldn't be fair to touch Sunoo when Sunghoon couldn't have a future with him, especially now he knows how Sunoo feels about him.

It was selfish, but Sunghoon wanted it anyway.

Though he had no idea what a future with Sunoo meant, Sunghoon wanted it.

▪︎☆▪︎

It wasn't until after their practice had finished and Sunghoon was changing back into his clothes that somebody talked to him. Apparently they were all terrified of angering him again.

"So... do you wanna talk about it?"

Jungwon asked softly, face showing that he probably knew what it was about already. Or who.

And Sunghoon wanted to say yes. He really did. He didn't feel the need to push Jungwon away or pretend everything was okay. But Sunghoon did know it was pointless.

Sunghoon couldn't have Sunoo, and it looked like Sunoo didn't want him anymore either.

So this time Sunghoon pretended it didn't hurt as he dismissed, "I don't."

And just like that Sunghoon was alone. All because he was too scared to do anything about his feelings.

For two more days Sunghoon walked to class alone, sat in his room and felt irrational anger towards Wonho for reasons he didn't want to dwell on, and ate with his friends as they avoided all topic of Sunoo. He tried not to search for Sunoo during practice or recall what classes he'd be walking to, but none of it mattered anyway because Sunoo was never looking.

But he convinced himself it didn't matter.

Sunghoon thought of the day they had been caught in bed and he remembered his words - their relationship had been a mistake.