Besfriend's Boyfriend | sunsun

65

Sunoo felt like an idiot. An idiot for thinking Sunghoon had feelings for him, an idiot for getting hurt when he realised Sunghoon didn't, and an idiot for hiding in his room all day. Overall, Sunoo just felt like an idiot.

He had come to the conclusion that Sunghoon was just having fun. Clearly he liked doing things together or else they would have stopped by now. But maybe that's all it was.

Last night that had made Sunoo angry and hurt, when he woke up it had made him hurt and disappointed. Now, Sunoo just felt like an idiot.

He couldn't be angry at Sunghoon for not being in love with him. He could be hurt, but what was the point in that? Sunoo had been hurting for so long, it was always going to hurt. At least he got to touch Sunghoon now. At least he got breaks from the pain.

So when Sunghoon knocked on his door for the third time that day, Sunoo actually answered it. Albeit awkwardly and with a frown because he still wasn't chipper about being pushed away.

The door opened to reveal Sunghoon, smile hopeful and not quite reaching his eyes.

"Hey..."

Instead of answering, Sunoo turned around and walked back to the bed, continuing to pack his belongings.

Though he didn't look, Sunoo heard the door close after a few seconds. Then he heard the older walk closer, but he didn't do anything to add to the silence of the room.

Eventually Sunghoon spoke again, voice sounding dejected as he stated, "You're mad at me."

Sunoo didn't know if he was mad. Simultaneously, he felt everything and nothing because it didn't feel like he had a right to feelings when it came to Sunghoon.

"'M not." Sunoo mumbled, wrapping his laptop charger up before pushing it into his bag.

"Then why aren't you looking at me?" Sunghoon's voice came again, but it wasn't loud or forceful. Not even accusing. More than anything, Sunghoon sounded like he was indirectly asking for Sunoo's attention.

And Sunoo felt like an idiot again because he instantly wanted to give it to him.

But then he thought of the night before, when Sunghoon had so easily resorted back to their behaviour of a few months ago - calling him Kim and pushing him away.

"I'm trying to pack, you probably have things to do too."

"I already packed." Sunghoon said, his tone still clinging onto normalcy. He was silent for a moment before he spoke just as weakly, "I want to be here."

"Last night you couldn't wait to get rid of me." Sunoo sighed, closing his eyes in annoyance. He wasn't supposed to be doing this. He wasn't supposed to be hurt and he definitely wasn't supposed to be letting Sunghoon see he was hurt.

A sharp intake of air preceded a shaky voice. "I... was scared."

Turning his head slightly to the side, not enough to see the older but enough for Sunghoon to notice, Sunoo listened patiently.

"I guess I got a little overwhelmed or something. I mean, I didn't prepare for anyone to find out about us and suddenly Jihyun and your Eomma knew and then my dumbass brother started saying all that shit and it just... it was a lot of pressure in the moment."

This time Sunghoon's voice was raw and shaky, switching from slow and uncertain to rambling confusion in a second. With every word that fell between them Sunoo felt worse. He knew that this was all new and confusing for the older and yesterday must have been too much to handle.