Who you see is not who I am

77.

Chosen pov
"Ok so what is it that you wanted to talk about or did you just need a break from everybody" I shrugged "both I just feel like me and you don't talk as much anymore and when we do it's an argument I feel like you hate me after what happens to you"

He raised his eyebrow "what you mean what happened to me what happened" I huffed "the whole situation with Miles and to be honest I have no idea how to make it better I love you but I feel like you hate me sometimes"

He shook his head "Chosen I don't hate you yes was I upset about everything that went dom these past couple of weeks hell yeah but shit happens baby we didn't know I was gonna get jumped and you did try to help me

So that told me everything that I needed to know about you from there you a down bitch and I'm pretty sure if it was different circumstances you would have been putting hands on niggas

The only reason I was really upset with you is because when that nigga came to you pleading and crying wanting you back you didn't come to us immediately and you let him come to us with no warning saying that he wants to be with us

And then you didn't deny that you wanted him to" I huffed "Legacy that's because I don't know what I want I just know the last couple months of my life have went way to fucking fast like hopping into a relationship

Becoming a different person and changing a lot about myself to be the perfect girlfriend but even before that I was still acting like me and Miles was still a couple before I even met y'all not realizing there was still feelings there

And I'm by any means not gonna act on anything because I love y'all I wanna do whatever y'all wanna do because y'all make me happy I know I wanna be will y'all I wanna get married and have babies

Everything just happened so fast I'm sorry" he huffed "do you wanna be with that nigga" I looked at Juni skeptical "huh" do you wanna be with that nigga yes or no" I shook my head hesitantly

"Your lying Chosen tell me the truth" I started to stutter "I...I...I don't wanna be with him if that means loosing you I want you" he shook his head "you aren't answering my question chosen

you aren't answering directly at least do you really think down in your heart you want this nigga and be completely honest" i huffed but i sat there and thought for a second about miles and all i could remember is bad memories

like before he tried to get me the stubble bullying with everybody else like name calling and believing rumors then when he finally started to act like he liked me when we were dating the comments he would make about my body

then last after he exposed me he called me sensitive and said i was overreacting and i should be glad people actually liked watching me "no i don't wanna be with Miles" he raised his eyebrow "wait huh"

i nodded "yeah i don't i think that slight hesitation was just trauma i have this thing where i feel guilty even when i shouldn't a person can be 99.9 percent wrong and ill find that one percent that made them right and run with it

because my mom is people and i still need a reason to love her" he nodded "that make sense but i have a question for you" i nodded "shoot" he sighed "i know the tape and him exposing you is the reason yall broke up but

did he do other things before that like was he ever a good boyfriend like be honest" i huffed "uhh maybe once or twice he was a good boyfriend but only when it benefited him

like for a long was absolutely mortified of having sex which is crazy to hear i know but due to him bullying me for years i didn't want him to see my body that way would be overly nice and take me on dates until he wore

me down and i did it but i still wasn't to sure so for months he would take me on dates just so we would go home and have sex but that's the only time he did it any other time he would criticize me

humiliate me and tell me everything i was doing wrong and said he was just teaching me how to be a good sub he was just a bad boyfriend and person all wrapped up in one but i gave him the benefit of the doubt because i thought i loved him"

"if you don't love him then what is it what do you feel for that man" i shrugged "attachment i guess around the time we started dating is around the time my parents decided they didnt travel much so

with my peoples being gone and the only person in the house being me and my siblings occasionally when we don't have a club or a sport i had nobody so when we started dating our schedules collide so

we were together often we would go over each others house and be around each other 24/7 so i guess i hate him but at the same time had some type of attachment because he was there but now that im thinking about that

my dad being who he is looked good for Miles dad campaign so it was probably all a game now that im thinking about it" my partners huffed i know all of us feeling the same way at this point

but after our long pause of silence Ari said "baby did you ever think about going back to therapy"