Fragments of Us

31: Ella

I decided to get back to Manila after five days. I can't wait to be reprimanded by my queen. I miss her long-agonizing litany about every single thing I screwed up.

And I wasn't mistaken. She immediately put up that alpha attitude toward me. Little did she know; it's really just my pleasure to see her infuriated because of me.

I decided to go to Bea's pub because a drink is a necessity for me right now. In all fairness, my cousin's pub didn't disappoint. It's only my second time here, and the first time was also the first time I laid eyes on the girl I didn't know I would stupidly fall for.

I was just enjoying my drink and the music when a familiar voice echoed behind me.

"Fancy meeting you here."

That voice I will always recognize.

"Can I join you for a drink?"

For a moment, I thought I was just hallucinating because of the intoxication brought by the liquor, but no, I wasn't.

I was just about to go when Amy sat beside me, but she held onto my arm.

"Can we talk, please?"

Sadness and guilt were coursing through her voice.

"I don't need your pity and stupid apologies."

I bitterly said this to her.

"And I am not apologizing."

Those words made me freeze.

"What do you want, then?"

I asked her while I stood there frozen, clenching my fist.

"I miss you, Ells."

She unbelievable.

"You don't get to say that after what happened between us."

This is just the second time I felt this surge of emotions after I almost drowned myself in Siargao.

"This isn't you, Ells."

She said this as she squeezed my arm.

"You're right. The Ella you knew was long gone because you buried her alive."

All I can feel is the years of anger exploding within me, but just as I was about to leave, Amy pulled me into an embrace.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me because I don't deserve that, but I'm asking you to forgive yourself and let yourself be happy again because that's what you deserve more than anyone in this world. I will always love you, Ells. Stop torturing yourself because it's not your fault that I wanted more."

Amy's words cut through my heart.

After years of bottling it all up and escaping, I let myself feel again. I let the pain take over me, and the last thing I thought about before I passed out was Jema's face.

I need her more than anything right now.